So out of it.

Can't think of much to add. Have a few random thoughts, but nothing of importance. School is out for the week .And getting into brawl again. So I am off to play it.

Not much.

Well, calm calm. Today I have been feeling rather Perverse, with out realizing it, Romantic-perversion and regular perversion have been much higher today than usual. Need to bring logic back into place.Lust hopefully will be gone or dimished tomorrow.

Well, yeh...more about romance basically XD

I noticed something, well, decided to comment on something. I realized a while ago I have a strange skill to capture something in my mind, you know, those situations where time seems to slow, or it is a picturesque moment. I can see a moment relativly clearly in my head, and remember many details, to an almost distubing way. I remember when I did that with Eli and Morgan, I mean I could see past the outside situation, I can see how they felt, underline ideas, everything. I could tell their feelings, and absense of thought, I could see Romance and Lust mixing, clashing, and singing as they danced and fought. I could tell that if they had been alone, or it was somewhere else or at another time, she would have put her arms around his neck, pulled in, and deepen, lengthn and intensify the kiss. Sure it may just be how it would be in a movie, but I could see where the idea starts, and how much was in the kiss.

Then I had it happen today, no more than, say thirty to fourty minutes ago, with Laura. I wanted a kiss but doubted getting one, so I took a few things of hers, and led her to this Niche between the stairs near the lunch room, where we have kissed and hugged multiple, mainly from bribes, and will probably hold a few memories of its own. But I haggled with her and she agreed to a hug, two kisses, and a kiss on the cheek. So she stepped foward and I felt her close to me, not rubbing all over close, but about say three inches, her hands rested on my shoulders as mine rested on the sides of her stomach, and she leaned to the right (my right) and leaned quickly in and gave me two small pecks, and then for the cheek rested her head over my shoulder, her cheek against mine, not really a kiss, but a big hug with out the arms all around. And I had my eyes open for only a tiny bit, or if I am going insane not at all, and I felt my hands on her waist, I saw a deep want (and not just paying off a bribe) that was romantic yet lustual, that would have been like the first kisses in those sex scenes, except this one if we where alone it would have ended up with us just making out, nad holding each other close. I saw only her head, I felt her want, I could tell that even though she refused to do 3 kisses, and acted as if she didn't want it, that if the time and place where different she would not have anything else. Then her "kiss" on the cheek, I could feel that she would have just stood there in my arms for ages, and through it all I could feel a want, a caring, some lust, adoration, so much. All beautiful, the story it all told was beautiful and fluid, all natural and simple.

Then, I realized why it seemed familiar, there where a few other moments like it. I remember that the almost exact thing happened in our first (well, actually, second, but first non-dare) kiss in teh woods last year, my hands where on her waist, her hands on my shoulders, I had the feeling, i felt a connection (yes, I know, illogical, but are hormones and emotions that logical?) and was over taken by the intense amount of difference I felt in that small half a second kiss compared to any with Jess. And then when I really started flirting with Laura, and she hugged me before I left to the bus, and I pulled her tighter and longer, I felt her hug back, and even though she did her cute little laugh, and gave me a look asking what that was, I know she liked it. And then last week when I convinced her to give me a Real Hug and Kiss, I felt the same affection, yes affection, great word, in that. And honestly through it all I feel that me and her, as much as I doubt, could be in love already with out either of us accepting, believing, or knowing it.

Those are the kisses I like, the ones that I live for, and made it so that I find kissing more appealing than other sexual acts. The ones that make it seem as if to just us there is no one else in the world, just us, not the ritualistic ones, or the small quick ones to have a brief spurt of emotion.

And god, she is changing me so much, not for the worse, but it is strange, and it makes me laugh. I always wrote about big events, usually romances, opening up characters and changing them, allowingthem to feel and think more clearly. And that is what happened with me, I can feel and think in a more romantic sense. I lost lust, and I just see a stranger beauty in life. And am having those picture like moments so much more often. And I am feeling overall kind and losing my horrible person like qualities and turning more kind. And people in my stories and thoughts, those I make up, they are becoming more realistic, and then faces are more prominent and visible in my mind. Mainly Laura's.

I can easily picture her, he brown hair let down, laying gently below her shoulders as small ripples make it seem a bit curled, never fully straight, and her beautiful brown eyes, small pink lips, her simple small nose, and then I can easily see her laughing. When she scrunches up her face a bit, her eyes squint as her mouth pulls back and she laughs, and he head shakes a tiny bit. It is hilarious and cute. And I can see her amazing body, where it is not Lindsey Lohan skinny, or anorexic skinny, but a natural skinny, with an amazing ass and her breasts aren't "AH, ATTACK OF THE GIANTS!" huge or,"Hold on, need a microscope" small, they are just a perfect size, and yes that is a bit (well actually quite a lot) perverse to comment on her ass and Breasts like that, but I still have hormones and bits of lust, and I am head over heels for her. So shuddup.

P.A.-

Laura S.- My new subject is the only one I get any interaction with nowadays. Haha. Not much I can report, but when we where both checking grades she asked me a useless question, even though I suspect she already knew, and gave me a quick glance and smile, so I believe my suspicions about her wanting to reconnect with me might prove to be true.

Nick- Holy damn, he is changing. Today, at miniscule things he was smiling, and laughing, flirting minutely with Taryn, and making small comments, which for him where like thirty minute conversations. Big breakthrough. Showing evident joy and happiness.

You know the drill...

Damnit, deleted again, have to retype, again.

I wonder, do people change a ton in relationships because of the relationship, or do I just instill something in them? I mean, I wrote in Laura’s agenda today, “Laura loves Brandon, wants in his pants, etc.” and she did not deny it all. And she has called me Sexy. She thinks I am attractive. She adores kissing me, and likes making out, and told me she wants to go as far as hands under clothes. She also said she would want to wrestle. I don’t know if all this is true but I will assume it is since she has no reason to lie to me. And this whole this is strange since she was barely willing to do kissing a few weeks ago. Now I have no doubt that if we were alone she would happily spend thirty minutes holding my hand resting her head on my shoulder, and doing nothing else whatsoever. She would happily make out with me, kiss me, and such stuff like that. And half of the things she says she would do she detested no more than a month-and-a-half ago. Now she seems to have a romantic-perversion, not that I am complaining, it is a welcomed thing. And honestly, now, I really don't doubt that by this time next year, if not earlier, we could be in love, and not just deep infatuation. I hope for this, even if I slightly fear this, and sometimes wonder whether or not I don't love her already. Probably not, it is not realistic. But I am falling more and more for her.

Jess had the same thing happen, everything she said would take me like five years to get to, I got in about two months. She grew attached and perverse. Now was it because of me, or because of being in a romance? Or just because she liked the feelings it gave? Maybe i will ask one. Probably not. But hmm, would Jess do the stuff she did with me with another guy in the same amount of time, or would it take longer?

And Laura has let Lust to add itself to Emotions and Logics epic battle. Now because of how far she said she would go Lust keeps whispering to take advantage of it, that we are still going slow, she is the one setting the pace, and that it still works with my current thoughts and is out of purely romantic want. Logic luckily interupts telling me that it is not pure romantic want, that I need to keep it slow, and that I should wait. Although I will probably do a bit of both, and If we are alone and it seems like she is willing slowly approach it, probably during a make-out (which i can keep as a romantic urge, not a sexual one)and see how she acts, and if she seems fine and says so, to just slowly do it, let her grow use to it. And try it, not instantly shove my hand up her shirt to grab her breast or what not. And if she isn't ready or isn't able to keep willing to it and falls short on what she says (which happens quite often) then abort. Or if my body trys to become to lustual abort it.

And let me see, I really need to do more than talk about her, god, hopefully this whole over-excited period dulls down so she doesen't invade all my thoughts all the time, so I don't yearn for her kiss all the time,don't wish to be alone with her every moment I can. Hopefully I can keep the giddy satisfaction while dulling the clingy urge to always talk, which is happening I believe, since I managed to go the morning without caring to much she was not there. I wonder how much of these kinds of thougths she shares though, heh, I wonder how much she thinks of me and such, maybe one day I will ask. I might, since these kinds of things we are open about.

And no school on friday. Hopefully I can have a sleepover with Scott this week, seems like no. Sadly. And maybe some day I can go to the greene with friends, or at least hang out with Laura sometime this week.

And should do homework, I will make sure I get it done soon, so that I can keep grades up and hang out with Laura more. And other friends. Heh, Lady luck, you have been pretty nice recently, help me out this week? Give me some luck, give me those good equations, give me some time with Laura, scott, you know, that stuff, I mean honestly, you do sorta owe me, the whole time with Wakely and such, you seriously do owe me from that whole shitfest.

P.A.-

Laura Sooy- A new common customer, yup yup. I caught her glancing at me, and she smiled in my direction (although it could have been at teachers and Blake since they where that way) but then caught my eye, held a smile, as did I, for a few moments, then quickly glanced diagnolly averting her gaze, semi embaressed, I do think she would rekindle our friendship. Her dad does say she speaks highly of me, and if she did, we could hang out a bit since we live next door. And I would not mind having another friend I could trust...


E/M- God, these two are quite close. They know how each other thinks, and when I saw them Kiss this morning, in an lmost movie like fashion time seemed to slow and they seemed to be the only ones there, and I could have easily seen Morgan wrap her arms around his neck, and them both kiss more passionatly. They are natural and fluid together. I hope my relationship will be like theirs. Natural, serene, peaceful, interesting.

Well, that is really all I got, pretty much, so yeh... if anyone wants to comment, feel free to, It lets me see something someone thinks, and lets me know somehow someone reads this...since...well...the fucking view counter counts no one....Gaia will be shanked one day...

Nothing much.

Well, trying to get bck into gaming and books, going semi well...

Bored....

Have a nagging feeling that laura is mad at me, but bet it is Maria issues hitting her...

Nothing else really. Fail journal is fail...

Titles take to much work.

Well, Laura is back, we are still close, spend half a period papaer-talking, in 1337, and hugged, adn kissed before I went to the bus, and all is good. And since all of you (well the ones I imagine) love my P.A. segment and always want more here it is, for I have a speecial Guest!

P.A.-

The Chipmunk! HORRID ASSASSIN!- Oh yeh, I spent four minutes or so watching a chipmunk. He pushed a nut into a hole, knocked it out, got it, and then ran back up the wall, pushing it out again. Or maybe he tried pulling it in and messed up. I guess I will never know.

Laura Sooy- It was quite humerous, Blake offered to take her to the library, and when he asked her to come, she said no, then when my name was mentioned she became confused nad looked towards me, seeming to want to come, and not. Could she want to try and regain old bonds? Or have a nostalgic want?

Nick- Officially dating Taryn, I think, who knows. Still improving.

Everyone else- MEH!

Peace, harmony, and kind of boreded from it.

Yup yup yup. Peace in the world, all is well. And it is kind of boring, XD, but I plan on getting myself back into a reading and video game persona like I use to do. I will return to the good parts of my past, while embracing the good changes I have made.

And Maria's friendship will soon be destroyed by Clint and Laura. I shall be her friend since it will be more of a hassle to end it. And she does few wrongs to me. Although I am going to speak to her when I get free time, she told Blake last week that me and Laura where going to have sex, and you don't make those jokes, ever.


Me and Laura are doing great, we have been talking a lot, adn are growing closer, I can't verify it, but I have a feeling we are. And I kind of find it funny, I can't see the future or think far with it, at all. I guess I just find life to unpredictable and don't want to bother thinking a year ahead for something that I can't really do anythng about until the week of.

And me and my little voice are in agreement, that with Laura, slow and steady will win the race and keep us together. And that I need to be moderate with her, I should not go after make outs all the time, and should not care how much of anything I get. Give her space, and keep idiocy adn obsessiveness out of it, even if she drives logic way out of my mind. But I know how we both work, I can make this work. Although at times I am going to need to make sure we both have spines, and do differently than what she says, and look at how she acts.

Hmm, what else, she is coming back to school tommorow, we may hang out again on friday. Which is fun, and I cna handle doing, since we actually hang out, talk, and such and out of like, six hours, we only spent thirty minutes at most making out, so, a tenth of it? And when we weren't(even though I alluded to it a lot) I was fine with not making out. Or anything like that. Which is more than ever happened with Jess. I enjoy just talking to her. Haha, god, she controls my mind way to much, this is basically shrines to her, or worries. I guess it makes sense, romance is the central idea and working of every story, and what is life but a story and a game?

Can't wait until tommorow, I want to work more on the Shiro Vs. Suki battle on word, it is going well in my head.

P.A.

Nick- He seems more joyous, and just more, happy, it is not noticable, but he just holds himself in greater position and is tlaking and making "jokes" in his own way, mainly with Taryn.

Everyone else- hey, you can't expect this to be common, I barely see these guys. So blah! Will add when I get more info.

Log crap, blah blah blah. You know the Sit'.