Blah, thanks murphy.

So was dead set, no issues, inhibitions gone, wanting to go to Zacky's party tomorrow. But then rachel decides to have one...Now i dunno what to do...close friends, but deal with stuff that probably still will annoy me, or go see jeremy and other friends i could get close to, get out of my comfort zone...do something new.

to keep track of mah mini facebook story thing

"You where my friend, my enemy. I cant hate you, i can't love you. I cant be mad, i can't be sad. What can i be, what can i do? Why don't you tell me." "You can forget and fade away, or you can remember, and live. Live with pain, live with joy. And keep on living." "Cant there be joy without pain?" "Never."

"If we have to feel pain why bother with life?" "You felt joy, wasn't it worth it, through all the pain and struggles?" "Yes. Very" "Then cherish it all. The good and the bad makes you who you are. Now, you have to finish me" "Why, why do you want the end." "I've lost all i had, everything i built my life around, all i cared for. How can i restart after that?" "It will be hard, but it can be done. "

"Join me." "I tried to kill you, you have ruined me, why should we join." "You have to find a new road, let me pave one for you" "This is nonsense" "Thats the only sense that there is." "Ain't that the truth." "So will you join me?" "Do i have any choice? I am in"

"Why must we come here, we have power,why can't we be better.""Cool it,slow down,enjoy the simple things.""I don't even know how to feel and you are telling me this.""Yes,come on, you are sharing the apartment with me""This is insane""Just forget it all.Focus on now.Just quit worrying,see how it goes.""Fine, Though wou...(tharr be more)ld you consider the girl across the street changing without closing her blinds little?" "Very."

"Do you got a girl?" "More like she has me, hook line and sinker" "aint that the grand old truth." "It really is. Now i've gotta go visit a friend of mine, don't blow my apartment up. Got it?" "No guarentee's cap'n." "There never are in life. there never are."

"So after he tried to kill me he came to live in my apartment." "He tried to kill you?" "And he i there now." "he tried to kill you?!?" "Yes. but what's done is done. no use worrying about the past." "this happened in the last day! God, you more issues than Glenn Beck." "That is impossible and you know it"

"so have you talked to your girl?" yeh." "got her back yet?" "Nope." "Hey, thats her loss and its life. Anyways, lots of fish in the sea right?" "Not anymore." "Oh...lots of fish in the oil right?" "True that." "We are really horrible." "yeah, we really are"

"So, despite trying to you know, kill you, we are letting him join us to protect the people round here who need it?" "Pretty much." "Do i have to play nice?" "Yes." "But..." "No buts." "You are so damn mean." "Yeh, and you whine. Deal with it." "Can we at least get some Burger King and not get him any?" "That is completely petty and pathetic." "So it is a yes?" "Damn straight."

"So you are the newbie?""Yes, what if i am?""I hope you know, i don't trust you, at all. I don't trust or buy this for a second, and can't wait for it to go to hell." "Is that the real reason, or are you just jealous and fearful you may lose something?" "What the hell are you talking about?""You've been the only one for so long, you fear losing something that exists only in your head. Get over yourself, and grow up."

"Hell yeah i just won a whopper from team shark boy crest!" "We are about to kill each other and a little game is all you can think about?" "It got you two to quit fighting eh?" "..." "this is where you guys say touche at the same time." "truce to finish what you started?" "agreed."

Fun time at BK

So saw John and Scotty round there. Won a Cell DBZ action figure from a walmart claw machine. Probably one of best things to happen to me in a while.

One of only things.

My life is a tad pathetic.

I need to stop playin games...

I've just been noticing a lot recently, with everyone i see "Karma moments" Like in infamous...I keep seeing where i can help others, be good, but it tends to cost me in someway, or i can focus solely on myself and benefit for myself...

I keep choosing good...but i almost wonder what it would be like if i chose to be selfish and evil rather than trying to help others...

Though i guess its good i am not stuck in Cole's situation, you know, post apocolyptic city, girlfriend dying, etc...

Ugh, GTFO life, I get it God, you enjoy my misery -_-

So after feeling great sickness is rearing back its head 3 fold. Feel sick as hell, headache and all that.

Confusion and all that stress is also adding.

Sickness also helping with that.

Don't you love horrible cycles.

I officially hit breaking point i believe...something just clicked and i can't handle talking to people today. Just gonna sit around, feel shitty, play a game, read a book, sleep...

And hopefully tomorrow is good with Dad back...I really missed him...but he is then gone a bit more...

I Feel like breaking down....


God i hate going insane like this. I know exactly what i want...but i also want other things contradicting them...

I think i need to go through a good ol feeling purge to get past this...

Or a L4D2 marathon...

Wow...fucked up mind is fucked up

When tlakin to others, or to myself, i almost hate them together...but when talkin to her, it is as if i am over, or fully acceptant, and hope they last...guess seeing her happy makes me happy. So odd.

And damn. Have to do zollar dogs. That means i have to put on pants...

Hrm odd

Likin leland, really entertainin guy.

Odd odd. Feelings finally calming down a good bit. Contradictions, anger, joy, etc still there, not on overdrive like yesterday.

Waiting for a week or two to pass so head will calm and clear fully like usually.

Sobe is delicious.

Want shawn on, distraction via helpin him with comic= needed and awesome.

and yeeeeh. I dunno what else is really happenin.