How should I feel about the past. Dammit. I know past will never be fully attained. Even if I refriended Emily the spark and closeness is gone. And wth how much I've been fucking up same seems to be with Alex...

And can I look to the past and future?

And when the fuck can I stop being scared. Scared of what Alex or Emily or others think and shy about me. Their judgement. Their truth.

God I dunno.

But yet...im happy...