I was gonna text ya this alex, but apparently you stalk my blog, i feel a bit bad, and my phone died, and am lazy.

And I shouldnt -completely- ignore this place.

But listen, I wont lie this time. Im not gonna bother with the sugarcoating, bullshit, overly dramatic, etc. shit i always tell you. But here is the truth:

I know I have been a horrible friend, and i am sorry, I know I've been ignoring you and others, and even though I've seen that you are in pain and needed comfort, I just edged away adn didnt push to help whether you like it or not. and I ignored your blog because it risked making me...Feel, connect, remember, ya know?

I have been being a bit of an ass just from ommitence, adn I let our relationship fall back a good bit, which is pathetic of me. Admittedly you played a part too, but whogives a fuck all the details, cause less does not mean gone.

And I cant claim we are as close as we were, I wont tell you that, I dont wanna lie.

But when I said I will have your back, god damn girl, I meant that, okay? I know this is hypocritical of me, but even if I never start conversations, if you need to talk, actually say it. If you need a shoulder, i will be there.

You gotta remember, I am never one to deal with the stupid games, or catch on well (even though I do them to)

But god, i am here for you, and dont ever think i wont miss you, k?

And I love you.

And I know, I may not hold up like i want to with this, I may accidently forget to respond, be busy, or give shitty response that dont help...But god damn, you dont need to go alone with just Emily. Trust me.

Its what i started doing a while back, and sealing out you, laura, kasha, adn anyone who I use to fully trust was my biggest idiotic move ever, adn worse i conditioned myself to make that a habit i am still trying to break.

And I know, the pride part, teh worry of rejection, pain, the fear, makes reaching out hard.

But god damn, I am here, okay? I wish I could say i would always be here, and for all time at any moment and be Batman himself of help and that...but Emily will still probably be better...But I love you, I am here, and will always be willing if it permits, and even if I cant be the best, I will try my damn hardest to help.

So yeah...Guess you are still one of the few I care about to blog for, or ellicet emotion from me, and worry about what can happen staying close to you.

But man, i meant this to be short...

So...I am sorry, I love you wifey.