Fuck, messed up today.

Well, it was not bad, per se, Today was actually....fun. But i had a complete forgetting of discipline, actually i have been a lot. today moreso.

I forgot my rubber bands. I stole a tiny tiny bit. (Only once, and it was small, so i am not mad at self)I Bothered laura to much while working, and sorta-flirted i guess, hormones, and past feelings- current feelings- came into play. Ah. Oh well. Either way i still did better than usual. I am getting better.

I will wear brace more, need to work on some hygiene isseus. But over all good.

And it was cool since i had to do nothing today. OGT's rule.

But i still can't call upon feelings, except with male friends... Yeh, sexist, i know, nad i know (as much as i hate it) that a good portion of drive with females was lust and natural innate feelings of wanting in pants. But i iwll probaly be back to normal in a week or so.

And i realized that I get along with Josh, mike, and them easily. Hmm. But it is fun messing around and talking to them.

And I feel good. Content. Though i realize i kinda regressed, that old spark i had with bren, the flair of being two leaders of a huge thing, it is back mroe. Sorta. I just have had fun talking to him like i did years ago.

And i realize i can't enjoy anything as much, or like it. But it still hampers feelings. Take Graceling for instance, i know it has a lot of issues, and i kinda like it, but i am not just enthralled by the book, but i am power reading it. And FFX does not have the spark it use to, maybe i will regain that.

Heh. I guess my life 'as gone to hell. And i like it. No people, no problems.

And i think i have finally given up on the dream of laura wanting me back. Heh. Oh well. 'twas fun. Guess that is all i got. This blog was rambly.

I have solved my relationship issues in a spectacular way xD

I have asked someone out. the erson i am closest to. The one i can't live without...MYSELF! Oh yeh bitches. I am dating mysefl xDDDDDDDDD

Ughy, so bored and shitty...

WEll. Officially all feeling died again, sleep and games do that xD I am feeling almost anti-social...Mainly isnce i played tons of FFX. But i am finding being single almost relaxing. Actually, it is. I think Laura has feelings, or regret, small signs say so, but i am probably wrong. Eh, right now i don't think i could accept...with anyone. A week, maybe two, feelings should return, maybe i will risk it, or i will stay with this amazing singularity....Eh, TO HELL WITH RELATIONSHIPS! I GOT DISSIDIA SO FUCK RELATIONSHIPS! xD Yeh, Dissidia, Final Fantasy, screw everything else, all i need. All i want. All i know, xD

Haha, i am a mess xD But i am happy. A mess who does not have any urge to date, and seems to have gone asexual, but a happy mess nonetheless.

I could say a lot.

Tons of things, think some stuff is making sense. But i sadly am back to emotions. And can't kill feelings for Laura. I kinda wish when people like emily (Bramel, not Emilt) called me her boyfriend she would correct them. That would make it easier. Or if she does some reason like me, i iwhs she would let me know, so it is easier. Oh well. I am staying single if she would only want me out of pity or guilt. And there is no one else attractive to me. so yeh. Oh well. Boooooooored. *goes to do soemthing.*

And still bored as hell. Hmm, i could post a tooooon of things. But i forgot them. LAzy blog day FTW.

Ah, this strange feeling

I finally have figured out what this strange feeling of content is, and now i believe i know. Pure apathy. I realize i no longer care one shit about people. My hatred of the world has become complete. I have no urge to talk to friends, since they are to me just people, i really don't care to much. And i no longer find anyone attractive, romantically or sexually. I find that i am alone, and love this feeling. I can only even find a small glimpse of friendliness and openness to Bren, Scott, Mike, and Tay, and that is only cause i have known all of them upwards of three years or so. But even then the only one am easily goofing around with and feeling like a person is Bren....Guess i am closer to him than i realized before.

And i am getting closer to Tay, since we both got dumped nad had our phones taken away this week. Oh well. Irony is a bitch.

Meh. I still feel a bit angered at how shitfilled this month became when it was to be my good month. It sucks. But this aloneness, this solitude....it brings me contentness.

I hope no one breaks me out of it. I do so love it.

Well, back to normalacy.

Ha, i feel great. Dissidia be my shining savior. I have Gotten back to where i was. Zidane is almost perfect. And I am actually getting really good at it.

I am no longer depressed about being dumped. Miffed maybe...wow, i need to be hit for using that *Shot* DAMNIT V2 I WAS KIDDING >.<. I have feelings, but am going to not act on them. Noooooow, i can't gaurentee i won't do usual perverse innuendo, or such like that, but hey, that is me. And i will probably compliment, but i do that with all friends. Oh well. I still need to let feelings go, and give up on the dream that we will reconcile, and get back together better than ever like last time. But that will dissapear in time.

And all with everyone seems well. Joking around and messing around with everyone. Fun fun.

Uhm. Uhm. I am almost caught up in school. And i have nothing else to add....except yay being bored and free to do damn well anything for an hour.

Oh and for some reason Masturbation broked for me. It just does not feel as good or happen when it should. That fails.

Oh and On dissidia I have almost mastered an infinite with Zidane. Yay!

God, i am going insane.

Ha, i have been falling in and out of sanity. But i know now that i have no feelings romantically for either Scott or Emily (I wish i did, but they are siblings. Well, actually, i dun want romantic feelings for scott >.<), I love Laura, but i might as well kill those feelings. Dissidia is my stress relief. I need to regain control and stop snapping at the few I will talk to. My trust is gone, and i fear it may stay that way for a bit. This place, Scott, and Bren are the only ones i really trust (Longest known friends). Ah. God, tons of math to do. I will get that done tonight. Oh well. To hell with life. I will make it mine, if i go angered and depressed again i will hit myself out of it.