Im letting everything fall.

I don't know why.

But im rescinding.

People are...something I am subconsciously cycling through.

I don't know why.

Im practically failing some classes.

And over two years...and the occasional urge to send Emily the new song I fall for to see her opinion and talk with her is there...

Did we ever even trade songs? I barely remember our old habits.

God. Why am I so stuck on the past.

Besides the fact that none of it applies. And im only now catching on.

Everything is different.

And it scares me.

Especially because I don't know who or what to trust.

And fuck Maria, "you know what's funny, you like Laura and she hates you" fuck that, I doubt that is even close. Even if she doesn't like me I don't see hate as being true.

Yet...its made me doubt. Fear. Worry. Its made me sad. Pained.

Why. Why dammit?

When did I become so pathetically fragile?

Video Games is an amazing song.

But God...the only thing still close to how I use to be even just last year is Yugioh. How sad is that?

And romance...God im stuck on that. Especially not knowing what the Fuck I want. Do I even want Laura? If I reallt did I'd man up and stop turning it into a game.

I know it wouldn't work.

But...do I care? Or do I want something simple?

Or do I want something forever?

Why am I back on this crutch?

Because you're so far between everything you don't know what you want.

Hell even my newest loves I doubt. Newest interests....

I just...


I don't know.

I hope osu accepts me.

I need a new place. A new life.

How funny. Some things have gone full circle high school life...

Except...Laura is now the one who is so friendly, so madly in love with making friends...

Me? I am cutting them down in real life...not even sure who matters to me. Not wanting these newones here.....

I wish I could try again. I just don't know what.

I probably shouldn't dwell on the past...

But God. They've become do different.

Clint...Emily....Laura...scott...Taylor...I wonder if they're all as confused and freaked out as I am?

Who knows.

Oh well. I better sleep before I get sad.

But...I still feel awful. Jessica Perkins was upset ...her friend died. And when she said it..."oh" I could only message over text.

Im a damn coward. She tried to talk to me, always asked if im alright after I broke down....I couldn't say anything sides text.

Dammit.

I've become a coward. And that's not even something I know will have me hurt like if I tried for Laura...

I need someone new. God I do.


Not even for romance...I need someone entirely new. Something strange. Ive never seen before...