Why am I so angry? God damn...

Oh what the fuck am I trying to kid. Im jealous as hell that some random guy made out with Laura. And I am angry because im in such a no win. I know she is not into me and that asking her would cause pain. For us both. Yet I still wanna ask her out, hell moreso because I shouldn't. Despite knowing, wanting, and trying it is hard if not impossible to forget about her. And even if I do I will hate myself for not trying.

And I hate that I am so close to her, realizing things and being told things I doubt even Ria knows...yet its so far. Wow. I sound like a bad cliched movie.

Cept I wont come out on top.

Haha. Funny. Maria says it would end bad cause me and her would probably be far away in college...I actually want a long distance. I want to be forced to only let feelings grow. To have to appreciate what I had more. I want that stuff.

So odd...

And I am in such pain every breathe nearly has me in tears. Joy.

Guess its time for a fun trial. Lets see if I can be a good friend without romance. And see if I can move on in life. And not destroy myself in the midst of it.