Just another dismal rant.

Lemme see, so today is my birthday.Not that i care much, it is just really another day. But the day progressed as normal, until we were leaving to go home that is. Whitney admitted to clint that she would go out with him or taylor, and she told me she would never go out with me, unless and i quote "i may be like super depressed sometime and settle for you." not that i honestly care.

Or do i? I keep saying my crush i (have/had) on whitney died, but is it. I can't tell, one of the many reasons i hate hormones and feelings, stupid things that influence my decisions in all the stupid ways. But either way it all came down to the simple, most common reason why i hate life.

I am always least liked, even if others don't know it.

Since i grew older it was always like that, people barely knew me, and they hated me, barely knew the other guy, loved him. It has always happened, even with teachers. It is so annoying. And what chance would i stand of being better liked when i hang out with people like clint and scott and taylor. Hell people rather go homo than like me more than others i bet. I mean it never matters the situation, but that is how it is, it can be ten people who love anime, one who dislikes it, and the one who dislikes it is more liked and listened to than i. I am so god damned sick of it.

I realize that everything i say here is because of what i belive to be my immense self doubt and inferiority complex. I mean it would make sense, since i regret everything i do almost, and the fact i belive i am so much worse than all.

All this has gotten me thinking, and explained one thing to me, i now know why i wish i could go back to the past so much, when i was best friends with like Raj, Laura Sooy, and my cousin. It is because then i was niave, and i was -amazingly- liked the most, but my life has gone downhill, and who gives a damn anymore, osmetimes i wish i could just dissapear.

i mean it is not like i have anything i truly care for, or i truly hold dear to me. I am not close enough to mu friends to have incredible feelings towards them, since i always try to keep a distance away from them emotionally. And i feel so little towards objects it doesen't matter that much. So i really do just wish i could dissapear, even if jsut for a while, or to truly liked.