weeeee, wow, i really am bored, random happy poem attempt

I've completely lost control and lost my mind
Nothin else matters but her world and mine
god damn ain't that the truth
you don't got to be a detective or a sleuth
to see where this is goin
even if we may be better off not knowin

let's sing that same old song
not worry about what others say
this feels so right how can it possibly be wrong
as long as we got each other we can make it through the day

the world is goin mad
Lord knows i'm goin too
god ain't it sad
though if i am with you i know what to do
continue goin forward we won't get left behind
forget about others, who cares what they may find

let's sing that same old song
not worry about what others say
this feels so right how can it possibly be wrong
as long as we got each other we can make it through the day

finding fulfillment in every moment
but never havin long enough
its a blissful torment
god sometime life can be tough
when with you pains of life
disappear with all the strife

whenever you're involved i lose track of time
then again it wouldn't matter either way
it's somethin so amazin it even makes me rhyme
in the end what more can i even say
cause you're everythin i want and everythin i need
so amazing that it blossomed from a few seeds

let's sing that same old song
not worry about what others say
this feels so right how can it possibly be wrong
as long as we got each other we can make it through the day

no one needs more than this
this simple bliss
yet we search for more
only to come up poor
though we still have one another
so i guess we came out on top

Sing with me its all i need
to feel you with me
hear your voice plead
you're my every sight and every beauty

lets go through the world
see it all
into this journey we where hurled
but with each other we won't fall

let's sing that same old song
not worry about what others say
this feels so right how can it possibly be wrong
as long as we got each other we can make it through the day
Oh no no as long as we got each other life will stay
Damn right there is no way it will fade.

Wow. This is pretty crappy. Yeh. Oh well. Sorta decent. Damn catchy romance songs gettin my mind on it.

Wow, i am really glad i went to lee's.

It was just...fun. It ended up being like old times when we all goofed around having fun, no worries, or anything. Minus clint and his molesting. Which is pro. And for once it was gys outnumbering girls, rather than only me and ben xD Good to have some more guy friends.

Though paco really flirts with jess and em, even in front of me and lee. Tsk tsk. Oh well. Though i got the feelin him and lee don't get along greatly and have tension or somethin.


REally likin Lee. I mean, sure i really wanted to punch him every time he spoke when we met. But he is gettin really damn cool. And loosening up. Got a feelin me and him will become good friends

And according to emily i smelled good even though nothing changed 0.o

And I think Jess really likes yaoi of me and Lee xD I kissed him on a dare (Manwhore returned! Which was pretty fun) and she practically stood up cheering xD I mean she enjoyed anything being done with lee, but she was ecstatic when i did something with him XD

Uhm. Uhm. Lent Emily FFIX, got alex in FF13, and will lend ben it, spreading FF ftw.

Yeh, thats all.

it is.

Spring break. Fuck yeh. Grades kinda got fucked, ugh, probably wont get it too bad, hopefully parents dont get too badly on my case...or at least let me go to lee's...if not crappy day just gets worse...

sooooooooo

Instead of some insightful thing about random stuff:

One piece. Holy. Fucking. Shit. Is it even legal to pull so many plot twists in so short a time? But man, now Shanks came in. That is epic shit. But i love just how amazing the writing is. I mean, we have Luffy, his whole thing started with him being saved by Shanks and being entrusted with his signature hat. Then Luffy saved Coby who became his enemy to fight for what he believed in, after Luffy helped him to get there.Then in this present war with Coby's outburst to stand for what he believes in he ends up saving Luffy inadvertently. Then Shank's saves Coby himself and comes to finish the work of his fallen friend, and coming full circle he takes back the hat that has fallen from luffy (and is unscathed). Its jsut so bloody brilliant and well done, and not even in a cliched way.

Man, it was so epic that i am actually not even ferverently wanting new chapter. I am satisfied.

Though from Coby's outburst and lava-man trying to kill him, a part of me thinks he may have to leave marines, maybe join straw hat crew or train under Shanks?

Also this is epic topic http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/general-discussion/statutory-rape-pix-itt/t.59771243_1/

Been feelin crappy

Yeh, that is about it.

do shite...

math grade homework wise failing. But kicking ass at chapter itself. Ugh. Need to do super quick grade fix up...

GUYS WE GOT TO PREPARE FOR KARMA BEFORE IT GETS BACK AT U- HOLY SHIT THIS CAKE IS EPIC.

KArma will make a return revenge. Everyone had good weekend and stuff. Too good. Too perfect. Fuck. AND HOLY SHIT REESE ICE CREAM CAKE IS EPIC.

I dunno what to write about.

HAd few random happenings but nothin much. Uhm. Wow. 12 days and it will have been a year...i dunno what to do with that xD Will probably just try and hang out then. Uhm. WARMTH. I love it. Uhm. Em is hangin with lee and jess so she probably wont be talkin much today leavin me bored. So me and Ben are gonna try and hang with kasha downtown. I can get him some alone time and mooch free ice cream from him. Uhm. Uhm. Been really focused today thankfully. Uhm. Cant find my gamin urge for some reason, not yugioh, pokemon, or FF. Oh, Lee is actually becoming pretty damn cool. Now i am honestly thinkin me and him will become damned good friends. Which is good. I need another male friend, taylor failed out of that catagory. But he is actually looking good with JEss, and i am growin to like them, and he is playin along with my jokes and bein all around cool. I admit when i first met him any time he spoke i wanted to punch him in the face, but now that he ain't so uptight he is damned cool. Ya know. When i think about it a lot of my friends i wanted to punch in face when i first met them... odd. And uhm. Uhm. Ironically i realized that me and emily are willingly third wheelin ourselves lol. Her with Jess and Lee, though i hear paco invited himself over or something and they let him so his mom would make burgers or soemthing, and now i want burgers. Damnit. And i am purposfully doin it with ben and Kasha, but damn he has done it for me, and he deserves it.

And wow. Great wall of text. I blame OGTS. They shorted out my brain.

Holy shit

Not tired, not feeling crappy, not murderous, and my meds have sorta worn off and i delt with OGTs...odd

MUHAHAHA VOLTORB FLIP

YOU ARE MY BITCH PATHETIC GAME I AM MILKING TONS OF COINS OFF OF YOU MUHAHA

Bah, lets try to play damage control over my stupid mistake.

Bah, okay. I messed up big, i lied, couldn't face the facts and admit the truth, so now i have to. I don't honestly care about the mafia. It is barely influencing my opinion on reborn, its jsut a tiny thing with it (mostly just cause it reminds me of when there where naruto fans imitating clans, and bleach with the gottei 13 >.< Ugh i hate fans at times), don't care that you have it or what you do with it, don't want it, none of that. The whole fact of the matter is what i said really was not about it, but about me. So here is sob story time.

Though first i will admit, there are two things that did annoy me a lot about the mafia. The first is that multiple people got on my case about wearing my rings. You guys that did may have been kidding, but it was just a good bit wrong, you guys say it really is nto about reborn, fine, but just as it is not reborn the rings are not you. They are reborn, and seeing as how i plan to cosplay someone from there (plan meaning "want to but won't happen", I.E. Train, Neku, Goomba, Tonberry). And i use to always wear them before i, well, lost them...then found them...then lost them again (This totally is not a trend. You see no reoccuring theme D:<), but yeh, leave me to my fanboy fun i leave you to the mafia fun. The other thing is simpler. Leave me out of it por favor. Cause you all keep tellin me vague things bout the story, notes, and all sorts of stuff and if i ask about more tell me that i can't know cause i are not mafia xD You probably don't realize it, hell i have done that kind of stuff too, but if you can't tell i dun need to know ya?

Oh. And about things ruining reborn i am now adding "Alex and her super yaoi masturbation incest" to the list D:< IT IS JUST WRONG WOMAN.

Sob story time, in rambling incoherent badly ordered form!

Lets start with how i cope with things. Due to my past i have been alone and hurt a lot, most friends left me in some way every year. I became hurt and reclusive a lot, and through it i learned to lie. Not to others only, but to myself, where i could believe my lies so completly. I learned that breathing, meditation, control, i could use it to block pain and memories. But physical pain never affected me much, i just dulled it and blocked it (not that i don't complain about it). I did and do the same with memories, i have blocked off panful events to the point i forget about them unless reminded.

That is what happened. With the mafia i became paranoid, though that "me adn the mafia" and "i want to hang with the mafia" where signs that i was going through the same things that i had before everytime i lost people. I was thinking sarcastic and stupid things i knew where wrong, nad i knew i was being an idiot. I was going to ignore it, pretend to be fine, go home and drown it away with breathing and with FF. Except alex texted, and then i broke. So i lied to her, to myself, told a load of bull because i did not want to face the truth. I forgot something though, alex is a good friend. And she wanted to blog, to knock sense in them, to try and fix the issues i talked about, to defend me. I tried to stop her, because i knew that it was not true -even if i tried to convince myself it was- and i tried to avoid everything. But emnily Got mad, and alex did too. And i tried to convince each to not be mad at the other, trying to keep my ruse. But it failed.

Here is the truth. You guys are the first friends i have kept, that i truly cared for, that i can even say i love. Hell 4 years ago i thought it was a fairytale, a myth, i thought like Summer did. And the thought of losing you guys kills me, because i dont want to admit it causes me pain, that i need other, i am not invincible, that i feel, that i can get scared. And losing Bren recently has only made those fears worse. The kicker? Even if i try to act happy, try to say my past was not bad and did not effect me...it did.


Since you guys tell me everything i might as well return the favor. I lost every friend in my childhood in some way, clint, Laura sooy, scott, andrew, Raj, Cory, and others. I became reclusive from that. I hid my past, and i pertend that i do not distance myself even though i do.Then with everything clint did to me, well that messed me up to think sexual acts where nothing, to ruin my seperation of romance nad sex, and all that fun stuff. I locked that up, but even those ideas and memories resurfacing would not have done it. But i remembered someone. And it killed.

Only Emily, maybe maria, and my family know this. As a kid i always hung out at Mums salon, waitin for her to finish so we could go home. Eventually a man named Ron started workin there. Later my aunt was sick (she is pro haircutter, literally xD) and he ended up cutting my hair (And not my ear LIKE EVERY FREAKING HAIR PERSON DOES >.< Seriously They always cut my ear), i was playin Mario on Gameboy advanced, he commented on it, and said he had it too. Showed me it, even showed me a few tricks. Over time i fell in love with him (not romantically pervs. This is a sad story, get head out of gutter) and he became my idol. I have had that habit where i always needed someone or something to look up to, he became my biggest. He was nice, treated me like a person and a friend, not just a kid or coworkers child. Even after he left the salon for his own I still went to get haircuts from him. He was one of my best friends.

Then at 28, perfect health, he had a heart attack and died.

In the last 7-9 years there have been two times only i have cried and let my parents hold me and comfort me. When he died and when my dog shaggy died. The event, i blocked it and all memories of him for years, remembered it a few weeks ago and tried blocking it again. And yesterday...when it resurfaced, if i did not do something i was gonna off myself.

Thats the story, i am sorry it happened. It is what it is. Alex, don't martyr yourself over something that is my fault and should not have happened. And to everyone sorry i have not been as trusting to you all as i should have. I love you guys like nothing else (well, okay, Doggies are a smidgeon above you all. But look at chewy, he is adorable!) and you guys mean everything to me. But there. I admitted stuff i rather not have. I am givin you all the full truth.

highlight of my day

http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/general-discussion/the-us-gets-their-pokemon-hg-and-ss-early/t.59485567/

first reply made me lol.

ehhhhhhhhhh

Tired. Been gettin annoyed with a few things. And gettin really self critical as of late. Not good. Feelin really apathetic with a lot. Havent been wanting to do much of anythin beyond pokemon and FF. People just kinda buggin me. Dunno why. Eh, will probably disappear soon. I hope. But life keeps messin up everythin already...

And Reborn is slowly gettin ruined by the mafia thing, maria, fans, rabid yaoi fans, the fucking yaoi, dear god the yaoi, have i added yaoi?, and by itself (IS A DECENT FINAL BATTLE THAT HARD?!?! YOU MADE ALL THE OTHER BATTLES LONGER AND EXCITING!). Hope is still there though. Need new chapter.

More importantly i need One piece. God. Its really killing me. I hate teach so badly from a personal stand point. But when i see him, and can tell he is becoming the big antagonist, god, i love how brilliantly written he is. I mean, most villians that are the "nothing" coming into "overpowered" just happen. But with teach we see small transistion over long time, as he slowly followed a plan and he became incredibly powerful and went from a nothing to a big badass. And he is so damn dynamic, sometimes you think he can't tie his own shoes and then he pulls out an amazing master plan. Plus he carrys the will of D and that just gives him a connection to luffy and adds more to him being interesting. UGH. Need new one piece...

To be gay today!

well, today i am wearing the pokewalker. AKA pedometer shaped like pokeball. So ot add to it i put on Core drill, with my two vongola rings on each side. If i am gonna look gay i am goin all the way.

Also pokemon HG out. My life is goin even lower. Meaning you might not talk to me till end of month.

And then there was customization. And it was dull.

Yay grinding that is hard and annoying. This game better liven up quick...

And Damn you murphy. You always come once i finally think i won. Ugh. This sucks shit...

Still waiting

God. This is awful. It would not be so bad having party pre-determined but the fact that it is all "LOL YOU HAVE TWO EXTRA CHARACTERS TO USE BUT WE NO LET YOU USE THEM" is stupid.

Is this just FFX?

It seems like FFX... except not as cool

stars and stone i feel shitty

Just feelin nausous, tired, and hurting to breathe. I will probably be better tommorow. So today i stay home, will do some work, then play FFXIII

Also, if anyone is looking for a downright adorable and entertaining manga look at yotsuba.

hells bells mom is an idiot.

She did not get game. So I am mooching 45 bucks off ben to pay back tommorow, god, he is an epic friend. Haha. Really, you don't find people like him often. Heh, by far my closest friend. And gotta love that we both know we would do it for each other xD If i had money... and i think he has a secret stash of money. I need to find.

(I swear to fucking god, if any of you go all emo, jealous, or what not about me complimenting ben and what not i will harm you D:< The guy have a 5+ year lead on all of you, and i have more history with him than all of you and what not. And you all are only behind him a little yadayada. Moral of the story: Don't go getting upset about this stuff >.< Friendship order of life is Best childhood friend of same gender-Girlfriend/Boyfriend-mistresses/misters(is that even right?)- Best friend(s) of any gender- close friends- acquaintances. Its the rule of life. *nod nod* Plus ben has teh moobs. Its an unfair advantage.)

Day was boring. I think i did good on math quiz, though failed last question. Part of it is finding distances to left and right, and plotting to draw the shape. So on one i did it rigth and was like "Okay, so square root, then from center go left and right that square root. Total is 2b. I am good." then later "Okay, so b^2 is 25, b is 5, 2b is 10 *plots 10 to left* That cant be right *ten minutes later* Wait, shit i would just do five *facepalm*"

And uhm. Lifes decent.

And on hiatus as i go zombie.


FFXIII FTW

Fuck all this stuff that makes me rage. Fuck the trouble i have been having, these doubts and issues. Fuck it all.

BECAUSE FFXIII IS TOMMOROW FUCK YEH.

And then new chapter of dresden. God. Dresden fan overload. Chapter previews, ability to get the book signed and sent, nwe RPG table top dresden game coming, and in columbus he is doing a signing. Which hopefully i can go to >.>

1 day till FFXIII, hopefully i can get out of school.

6 days till HG/SS, got plans for it, but that will probably go to hell.

But yeh, guess the main point is...

Blog on hiatus indefinitely. Zombie brandon imminent.

Ugh.

Man. Recently i have been gettin more annoyed with life. I though it went away. But i am growin uninterested more. Feeling worse about what i do...feeling like i am falling back to things i hated about myself. And i am sick of what i am. Sick of people. Sick of myself. Feeling myself fall against all i stand for. Feeling all my words become superficial acts of drama that i cant back. My emotions have been fading often... Ugh. I feel physically sick. This day aint helping. Essay is stupid. I need gurren movie to download...I hate myself. I hate my demons. Ugh. I hate that all these things i plan keep failing. i hate that i keep messing everything up. I hate that i keep going against the fact athat i know i should not hope for things, because i keep hoping, even though i know they will and then getting more hurt. Ugh. And i have no reason to be so hard on myself or so down. And i cant find any caring outside of books. Even with Whit yesterday. I felt really out of it, not wanting to be there, awkward, alone. I don't know why...

Oh. And i hate windows 7. A lot. It instills a lot a of rage in me. And essays do too.

yayish

So beasted school today. Meds where workin. Though the feelin like shit phase was a bitch. but that meant they worked xD

Uhm. Gettin kisses again, at least in morning, makin me feel a lot bettre in general. And killing paranoia and doubts. Some issues still there from random things, but the sweet idle perfection from past is there. And there is just the right amount of awkward.

Uhm, whit got screwed by jess's mom. Or something, so she is gonna come over nad hang out. Twill be fun. I love her xD

Manga news.

NARUTO GOT STOOPIDER! AMAZING.

Bleach. Well. Damn. Old man kicks serious ass. He faces a hundred foot monster that stole his powers. So whats he do? He fucking punched a hole through it. I am glad to see some new over pwoered character. Aizen's ass kicking was growing old. Now we get a break from his, so that when he kicks ass more it is a little fresher.

One Piece... T_T RIP Whitebeard, you have our respect.

Reborn. Wow. That final battle...it...well....sucked. A lot. Byakuran did nothing really. He just went super saiyan and then tsuna went super saiyan 3 and then kicked some ass and obliterated him. Byakuran did not pull out anything interesting... His lackeys where more interesting... He just grew wings, shot out a mini dragon, pwned tsuna. Then started super attack only to be disintegrated. And it obviously was the end, since chapter was "the last blow" he admitted loss and everything. I mean. The past bit of him was good, plot wise this was good. But the actual batle sucked.

And yeh.

Oh irony how i truly hate thee

So. Relationship and friendships going good, gettin closer to people. Gettin kisses now. Enjoying life a lot. Got Alex obsessed with one piece, and i am just havin fun, got games coming and everything.

So of course irony bitch slaps me. And even with my meds I cant focus for shit on anything. I am losing focus and going sorta hazy and light headed around 3rd. And i just get really, depressed and angry as i go insane unable to focus and i am losing a shitload of points for not doing math or computer sci. Its horrible. Ugh.

Not much to say

got windows 7 it seems. Its annoying me so far...

*waves hand*

This is not the blog you're looking for

No longer wanting to kill everyone!

*drinks rootbeer* God, okay, no one let me go 3+ days without barqs >.< Dr. Pepper is not a good substitute. I have been irratable and hateful past few days, i zombied through this whole day. Took a nap. Got woken out of nap for a few reasons, then found barqs! and lo and behold i feel good! Maybe i will function tommorow...