I just laughed so hard

Twilight's like soccer: They run around for 2 hours, nobody scores, & its billion fans insist you just don't understand.

forget this day being bad, it is hilarious now

Ugh, i am seriously getting annoyed

Brother keeps getting his way by being a prissy bitch, and mom is a bitch to me.

I still can barely eat without throwing up and feel shitty.

Emotions keep struggling to get better of me.

Oh they are in a big ass load of contradictions, between selfish and matrydom and all this shit. Guilt. and everything else. Stuff i shouldn't consider.

I am still going insane about absolutely nothing at all.

I hate this bullshit.

I need Ben back.

I hate Whitney being gone.

I just wanna break down but i refuse to be that weak and pathetic.

Talking about the person in my blog (Laura you where, right, everyone who guessed, keep secret, act surprised) Made me realize 60% of my grudges from past where really to myself.

I keep going from rational to irrational.

Sick of this, want to sleep for a long while, not wake up till school.

I actually despise summer -_-

So sick of everything at this point.

Especially whatever the fuck this sickness or shit is -_-

Messing up my sleep when i need sleep -_-

UGH.

God venting makes me feel saner.

At least none of this is truly getting to me, and i get it out via others, breathing, or blog before it does.

Its ironic how alike me and jeremy are.

Man, if this is the storm where is the eye? And can i get in it?

On another note, despite wanting ot be humerous, i can't make my little facebook stories like that. Only serious and deep kinda thing. But oddly fun.

What is this i dont even

No idea how to feel or post. So. Drown it all out with badass thundercat nostalgia.

son of a bitch...

Why does this kinda thing have to happen...but do i still trust them...care for them enough to risk it...should i...shouldn't i....god damn life, can't let me stay sane for a bit...this is one of few things that could be used to my advantage...and it gives such horrible ideas i wish i never considered...but yet i love...they are a drug...i should not do this....but i probably will...god damn....ugh...I still like them...i still trust them...

But taylor will despise me if i do it...but they never did anything to taylor...that tayor did not want...

but it is also one of the reasons i dont like taylor dating...

but god...dammit dammit dammit....

Hoo boy. Calm mind calm.

And no...i cant talk about it. I promised i would not.

And ugh, jealousy, gtfo...why can't mind, emotions, and body all agree. >.<

Le sigh. WTB week end...

Wow. Too much talkin to ben...

Heh, guess to go with this event and mind fuck i shall remake my old deck...

and if you guessed who this is about...dont tell...

La-la-fucking-la

I am now suffering boredom. And lack of food/being unable to eat without throwing up today, coupled with crippling tired, too long nad random a day, and all that have sufficiently made me feel all drugged up and effed up, and i am bored.

Damn this day needs over. Too long. Too long. xD

Okay. Whoever is up there, go fuck off, enough with the random shit. -_-

Seriously. You go good, bad, give brandon amazing pulls, make brandon sick, make his feel slightly bad, then acceptant...But when did things go this fast. When did i learn to let go, grow up, and accept these things and forget the petty grudges...

I still am a bit mad at tay, for some reasons and just everything in past, and sore nerve of course. But i will be over this in a little bit...

Man this is a hella cluster fuck of a day. I need like advil or something. and another nap.

Oh well. At least i am sensible again.

How to have lots of fun:

Since i forgot to mention this. Changing contacts on Jessica's phone= fun fun fun

Sick of taylor.

Heh, that was the final straw. Just completely sick of how he acts. He has been as much of an ass to me as i have been to him (especially when just me him and ben) And where i have been trying hard to get better and be nicer, he blows up at the smallest things, or even at help, and is still just as violent.

Then i am totally sick of how he acts with relationships, and obsessive lost puppy. He does not bother to let feelings grow first, to really get close to people. He just goes after whoever the hell he finds hot. The fact that his pre date "flirting" involves lots of near molestation and "accidental" (i know that these are not always accidents, from his mouth) are proof of that. If he truly cared about a relationship and feelings he would go for Maria since they are close, and know each other well, and he has even said they would probably do decently and they are good friends. But nah, laura and rachel and all of them are so hot, so he goes after them (don't get me started on how he talked about rachel), he just dates with his fucking penis. He talks lustual worse than me and ben (amazing, but true) and goes for looks then feelings. And lets even a slight attraction count as love. This behavior is destructive and just hurts everyone.

How he is with advice is worse, he always asks, yet never listens. Then if what we said will happen does, he acts surprised and shocked. Then acts like he is just unlucky and the world is conspiring against him. The truth? Even if we all say so hhe does not do anything. If he was being clingy like with rachel last time, i go to tell him, kindly and trying to help cause they where good together, what he did was just say "You don't know anything, i am not, she didn't say that!" or things to that degree, then fucking hit me. For trying to help. Then with this, he asked multiple others, who told him he shouldn't, and he just went on ahead.

Though the dating is not why i am just done with him. I repeat: I am fine with them dating and happy about it.

I expected it, completely. I am not unobservant, i knew it would happen while dating her, if we broke up. And i can read taylor like a book. Am i a bit miffed and upset? Of course. Jealous as hell? Quite. Do i still love her? 100%. Will i wait and hope for another chance? Forever. Do i want her and taylor to be happy and stay together? Yes, i honestly, truly, do.

I don't own her, she is a big girl, she can date and like other people. I can't control or stop this. I am free to do it too if i want to (alas i don't, sorry ladies (and you guys there too) you still cant get me). So if anyone wants to be sorry this happened, or pity me, or any shit, don't do it for that reason.

What lost me all respect and caring for taylor is the lies and betrayal.

He knows i would always be supportive of his relationships, and would not get too mad too long....If he just fucking told me. Or even asked if i would mind if he tried for her. But he didn't. You know what he does? He texts me that morning, asking if i still like her and was gonna ask her out today (yesterday). I tell him i was waiting for perfect time, he says okay, he will back off and help me try to get her back. Now this seems like he was asking to see if he should wait and be polite and kind to me, right? Wrong, it was obviously him seeing whether he had to snipe and just ask her before i got there. Then he told me and ben both he would not ask her out (cause Ben being a good friend got on his case for me, seeing how upset i was friday).

I mean, this has happened before. When we both where after laura a long while ago, he knew i was crazy about her, but before asking her out he told me, and asked if i would mind, and all that. And i was fine and supportive of it.

Instead of being a friend, following bro law, trying to help me through a break up he knew was devastating me, and driving me insane, or anything of the sort, he chooses to ignore this all, and go after emily, because she is a newly released sexy girl that he has not tried for yet. Since frankly he is just after getting in someones pants half the time (Once again, me, him, ben, alone. Ask ben how he speaks if you think i lie. He plans ways to "accidently" grope. ) and he has no caring about what others say or feelings. Half the time he doesn't care or listen, even if it is about who he is dating (I.E. Everytime one of them asks me to tell him to cool down on something. Like laura wanting me to stop him from buying expensive jewelry. I tell him, he says okay, then buys a 60 buck necklace for her. And see Clingyness and hitting me) he is almost like Daisy and Tom from Gatsby...Holy shit school get out of head.

Also when i was leaving his house from the sleep over because i could not stand to be there anymore (at least batman beyond finished, return of joker=epic), he was saying sorry one or three times when i was obviously upset. But they where so damn pathetic, he laughed saying them multiple times. It was only when i was leaving and he finally caught on how hurt i was that he said it with any truth or feeling.

I may be hyperolating and over doing some of this, due to bad mood, but stay off my case. Because most of this is true, and i am still on edge. Don't get on me about forgiving him, or any of that. Or me being wrong. At least for a while. Because for once we know he bullshitted hard, crossed a line, and what he did was wrong, and betrayed me bad, and i deserve to be angry. It was worse than anything clint has done to me.

The sad thing, i am still rooting for him and emily. Hoping they last. I will try to insult him less, and be kinder, so i can be a better person and one day maybe win emily back. Or at least be a decent human if only in my eyes again.

But i am not mad at Emily, or the dating. And don't get on my case for a bit, i don't want this to end with more fighting, and in blind anger, sadness, and depression, people saying things that end bad for a long while...even though i may have done that already...

And Emily....I am sorry. I hurt you, and i hate that, and am sorry about all of this. I will let you and taylor be happy, supportive of it, i wont be jealous and try to mess it up, or flirt or any of that. Not like i may have or sorta did past few days. I won't.

And it is pointless and may be too late...But i am most truly pissed at how much of a coward i was. And i wish i had been able to say this like i have always been able to, rather than having to do it indirectly: I am mad as hell that i just let you go with "its okay" that i did not fight for oyu, the most important thing i had. I wish i had tried to fight for us, i wish i had stood up and tried to stop it, try to get you to wait or go a bit longer. You said you needed a break, and even if it is permanant, i will keep my promise and i will wait. I love you, and like i promised, i will always love you. If you ever want to try again, i would. If you ever just need a friend, i will be that too, you are still my best friend. Though i am most sorry i could not directly tell you this before it was too late, that i couldn't instead snipe taylor and ask you out again, even if it ended bad and was too late. That is one risk i will always regret not taking.

As long as you are happy and smiling though, i am happy, it means more to me than anything. I hope you stay happy, and you and taylor last and do well together, and it is a good relationship. You deserve it. Once again, I am sorry, and i love you.

To everyone else to...I am sorry. For everything. I've been in a bad mood, I let my pride return, fell to being an ass, and let the habits i wanted to stop come back. All from a big dose of heartbreak. I am pathetic. I am stronger than that. You know, i may have to forgive taylor, cause now that i cooled down some from writing this, I am glad, at least this event knocked some sense into me. I will pick up where i left off a month or two ago. I will better myself, control myself. Become a better person, for me. For emily. For everyone.

So once again, i apologise to all, and i thank you all. You guys rock. And i love you guys.

Oddly getting knocked to my senses though has put me in a good mood...I can do this.

weeeeeeeeeeeeee

Eh, tonight at tays was relatively good. What i didn't want to happen is happening. Yay destroyed psyche. Will work it off. And hrm,, habits are annoying to break, or for me still just feelings...Man. Gotta get past this.


God. I love outside.

Man, Judai is having a freak out. Dunno what bout. Not prying is hard.

Gonna miss Whit.

FINALLY CAN MAKE A DAMN DECK ON YGO GAME

Japanese DS game is still hard to play.


Night is so calming to be out in.

I <3 lightning bugs. By the by, if you where wondering, that was what poem had been about.

Lightning bug trapped in room, sweeet.

Thank lord for ben.


Weeeeeeeee insomnia and loopyness.

Weeee fearing nightmares or wtf dreams keeping me up. Needs to go away.


Weeeeeeeeee weeeee. It is fun.

Infamous is incredibly addicting. Brother sucks a lot.

MAn, played so much...not even halfway through the game.

Don't throw lightning at gas stations if you're in them

or throw grenades of lightning at your feet and stand there.

Been really irratable at bro. Need out of house bad.

But wait, i can't fucking go anywhere because of him -_-

Ugh, i hate this, all my friends are hanging with each other and other friends. And i can't. Not that it matters. I'ma never invited, and can never bring myself to just invite myself to come (bar ben, but since i have developed a habit of forcing myself there often its kinda the exclusion), bleh.

Also i hate beowulf

And i realized. Zuko is an entire rip off of Vegeta.

Man, its sad,yesterday i realized how my deck changing in yugioh is fitting exactly with my life...odd.

And man, i don't know who i am at the moment...going a tad insane. One minute happy. Other minute depressed. Don't get what others say, or i get it too much. Worse i can't get what i say...

And i've just been...detached from my feelings now. Sorta unsure what is happening...

Infamous is fun.

Need new one piece...

FUCK YEH GOLD SERIES 3 IS OUT. /meaning brandon will ditch 60 bucks on cards now

Boredom...

New goal in life:

Get a rootbeer from every state.


Though now i ish sad again. Benny going to minny soda D:

My emotions are pms'ing today...

Damn, sobe is addicting

so true

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r11YaT3NjYs&feature=related

Can't get a break

finally in decent mood, happy to leave world and go hang with Ben, bro decides to come home early, i am stuck watching him, feel like shit, feel guilty about nothing at all. Ugh. Feelin crappy bout my YGO skills and deck, feelin like crap. I hate this.

Yawn.

Feeling really really shitty today. Bleh. Dunno why...

Yawn

I dunno, just out of it...I really am goin insane. feel like i am overdoing it with real friends....Growing to be care more about Kent, Judai, Kai, and the yugioh friends...or am i caring more about yugioh itself? As the one constant, the one thing to always make me feel better...i dunno. Guess i am goin insane.

And airplanes is one hella true song...

God, let this stay, let this stay, let this stay.

So party, besides cameron almost blowing up Patrick (thank lord for duds) with a firework, giving me a light burn, and nearly blowing me, teddy bear, and laura's faces off was good. (straw=gasoline, just noting this)

And Yesterday...Was amazing. Saw Kelsey, god, was kinda awkward at first, but then we goofed off and played around the rest of the time...and i realized how deepyly i missed and loved her. God, i wish she was not going to england (though i am forcing her to get a brit, i want a brit cousin-in-law), I miss when we always went to her aunt's every month or two, and how often we hung. God, I love the pokemon cards she sent me all those years ago, and the gundam she sent (though the whole japanese instructions have it on perma-hiatus), they are in my little stash of most valued items (See: starman, moogle plush, pic from 7th grade of friends, etc.). But god, i really miss her... But i found a con that is cheap, but about 2 hours away, but i would love to go to it with Kels...It will suck when she leaves and i wont see for another year or two, if not longer...

Fathers days was fun. Though dad had to go again to open another store...its kinda saddening not havin him...

Got paramore tickets, going august 12th i think, with Dad and uncle mikey~

The only exception....Heh. God. Ain't that the truth. Ain't that the truth.

Lately i have been wondering whether i like how i am now, or wish i went back to my more summer-esque view of romance, and my complete cynism i had when younger...

Oh well. Who knows.

BEHOLD SUPER FAIL

Colberoth Norris 5:49 pm
I want an appa plush...
Colberoth Norris 5:51 pm
you should get me one since you didn't get me xmas or Bday gift D:<
sex bunny fropoglopogas 5:51 pm
Oi oi I did
Get you one or the other
or both.../doesn't remember
Colberoth Norris 5:52 pm
you got a bday. last year. Not this year. and it was a video saying "happy birthday, yeh."
sex bunny fropoglopogas 5:52 pm
nonono
I sent you a microplush right?
-thinks- I am pretty sure I did
Colberoth Norris 5:52 pm
No, you planned to and never did
sex bunny fropoglopogas 5:52 pm
No I remember doing that, Brandie xD
Because that's when my mom discovered the epicness of them and was loling with me over them
Colberoth Norris 5:53 pm
I only have HIV
sex bunny fropoglopogas 5:53 pm
I swear you should've gotten one D<
Colberoth Norris 5:53 pm
No, you kept saying you planed to
sex bunny fropoglopogas 5:53 pm
This is bugging me. I swear I thought I did xD
Colberoth Norris 5:53 pm
No xD or i woulda put it in my litle Bday plush collection
which is moogle and HIV
sex bunny fropoglopogas 5:55 pm
/is seriously going through every e-mail she has
Colberoth Norris 5:56 pm
lol
sex bunny fropoglopogas 6:03 pm
HA I found the invoice thingie for it
/forwarded it to you from mom's e-mail
So there D<
Colberoth Norris 6:04 pm
well then you should complain that it never arrived
sex bunny fropoglopogas 6:05 pm
.....
-facepalm- So it didn't arrive?!
Colberoth Norris 6:05 pm
Well, since i have been saying i never got it hence thinking you neve sent it...
sex bunny fropoglopogas 6:06 pm
Wow...
That is irritating xD
Colberoth Norris 6:06 pm
yes
sex bunny fropoglopogas 6:06 pm
/found the problem
Colberoth Norris 6:07 pm
?
sex bunny fropoglopogas 6:07 pm
Summerfield, Alabama 27358
United States
sex bunny fropoglopogas 6:07 pm
we don't live in Alabama
XD
Colberoth Norris 6:07 pm
Lol
sex bunny fropoglopogas 6:07 pm
our mistake...
geeze if you never got it why didn't you tell me? D
* D:
Colberoth Norris 6:07 pm
because you never once mentioned it to me xD
sex bunny fropoglopogas (starlightgal93) is available 6:07 pm
Away 2s ago
sex bunny fropoglopogas 6:08 pm
But I said I would send you something xD
Colberoth Norris 6:08 pm
and any time you mentioned it you said planning, and since then we never talked
and eventually forgot
till now
sex bunny fropoglopogas 6:08 pm
fine fine fine
Colberoth Norris 6:08 pm
and i thought it was like emily and her hats xD
sex bunny fropoglopogas 6:08 pm
xDDD;;
Colberoth Norris 6:08 pm
or half our friends
sex bunny fropoglopogas 6:08 pm
true....
well I apologize xD
sex bunny fropoglopogas 6:09 pm
Cause I was hoping you would get a lol outta the Fat Cell especially
Colberoth Norris 6:09 pm
SINCE I AM ONLY ONE TO GET GIFTS WHEN I SAY TO/ON TIME *lying about on time* but epic fail alex xD
sex bunny fropoglopogas 6:09 pm
-pokes you- something you have yet to get despite your super eating-ness
I guess I did fail this time OTL
Colberoth Norris 6:10 pm
very

FFIX~

Okay, so i lied, reobsessed 100%, so damn addicting.

But threw up, and body been killin me. Bleh. Got something i think. Or i am just feelin shitty today. Who knows.

WTF

Paper mario 3DS sounds epic...

BUT MARTHA STEWART 3DS?!?!??! WTF

*is not even kidding*

MOOGLE GOES PLOP ON VIVI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvGwoaLfh-8&feature=related

7:30ish makes me lol.

level up!

+ 10 realization
+10 depression
+10 angst
+10 cursing
-10 sanity
-10 hope
-10 caring

heh. irony. looking through pics on facebook i saw a lot of prom pics and realized how much i had wanted to go, despite all i said...heh guess that plans gone now. Will just have to rationilize that it would be as bad as homecoming...though i would probably go if wanted now...bleh.
and fucking storm killed power as FFIX finished downloading. Will probably get haircut ten ignore world for it...and act like that is the only reason....maybe i will watch summer again...ugh. I am dreading friday. why did i let people talk me into a party...

look at the simple dance
see the swirling lights
watch the love and beauty
in the air tonight

see the simple minds
simple beings of this world
floating around in simple lives
their fates intertwine

living the dance
flying in a trance
never givin in
forever thinking how to win

forever they shall fly
from birth till they die
always the world will go
them we always will know

living the dance
flying in a trance
never givin in
forever thinking how to win

it's how it is
the simple fact
it's life's ultimate truth
if only we could live it

forgetting about future and past
simply they continue to dance
never quitting until the sunrise
never watched by sad eyes

living the dance
flying in a trance
never givin in
forever thinking how to win


wee boredom. Try adn guess what it is actually about, i dare ya~

FFIX ON PSN NETWORK.

If only i didn't lose Touchdown jesus, this would be greatest day of summer.

Must get FFIX....

New phone~

Ernesto Dii has joined the fray~

He holds music. FF ftw.

And yes. I did name it.

YOU LOSE TODAY LIFE

I may have had one or two break downs, but now i have Lewis black and 2nd place at adult tournament. I am not having this day ruined punk D:<

LOW BLOW LIFE

So todays thing to make it suck and make me depressed, you use one piece against me?!?! IHU LIFE

Wow. How did i miss that episode on first watch of avatar?

I missed fifteen and 16...They where really amazing. Fifteen, the battle between Zuko and Aang...it was amazing showing the mirror of them fighting, with the most passive and most violent elements, and how it all went. It was amazing, the battle was one of the best solely from what was unsaid and what it showed. Then sixteen provided a great lead up and example into Aangs psyche and everything.

ELECTRIC ALLIGATOR?!? HELL YEH.

GEAR?!?! If that is not a instant static shock shock referance i dunno what is.

And bleh, everythings the same except how she feels.

AND OH MY FUCKING GOD. SCREW YOU JAPAN D:< My cards are all in fucked up places in this yugioh game T_T I can't make a deck T_T

You know, bad things have less effect when expected

So apparently i got Gabs banhammered from ohians. Which is depressing. But i expected something bad since every day past month or so that has happened.

AND HOLY SHIT FMA ENDED?!?! Right after i dreamt laura as winry... 0.o

Ugh, get the fuck out demons.

Man...Why am i unable to do anything without thinking about the past, hating myself, hating everything i stand for...i really hate myself recently. I am sick of who i am. Screw this. And i really find myself slipping, falling into douchebaggery, falling to anger, hate, rage, taking things to hard...everything i try is going to hell, getting through this is not working...Heh...I just find myself breaking. What an asshole i am. I hate this. Heh. I am going insane. Guess i should start reading for summer...

Lets go toph!

We need to somehow convince the earth kingdom to let us go to the inner circle, find the tortoise hares. I hear they are delicious.

Yes. My dream was me and toph trying to go hunt tortoise hares. WE where gonna use aang to guilt trip. It was awesome

You're missing someone very important....WHERE'S MOMO?!?!?!

Title unrelated.

Laura and i have been talkin a lot, odd.


Really fucked up dreams last few nights 0.o. Yesterday i like took agroup of people to space, had a mech, there was my friend who was like laura combined with winry from FMA (which is hilarious visual) then Link, yes the hero of time, stole my mech, then i was like getting arrested or something...

Then last night i had a dream about Einstein...except he was a pimp. So fucked up.

Going to the King today. Fuck yeh King for....damn way past breakfast. King for late late lunch!

FWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

http://www.techshots.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/in_soviet_russia_chocobo.jpg

oh god...

torturing you all with this is private amsues me, when it is unprivate though i will probably die from this post

Weeeeeee

Made this private...Kinda gives me more confedience, will change later. Maybe. Who knows.

Breaking...i hate night

Taylor is in basement asleep...and i am just lost. I guess my farce of being strong fades once i am left to myself. Since each night i start breaking down (AKA insomnia). God, its annoying...can't have the relationship, try for just friendship and it is awkward too...can't win. I want to blame myself when i still barely know what happened. Apparently taylor said we where not as close...guess i didn't get that memo...Cause i still love her as much as i did a week or three ago, more than three months ago, and such...and she just said break, so i retain hope even though i wish i didn't...Then each time she is upset or anything, i just want to tell her i love her, kiss her, and try to make her feel better, but can't...every night i want to say the same few 3 word phrases i always do, but can't...I hate this so much...

Ugh, god, her march blogs last year where exactly like this. God. Irony. fuck you to hell. Heh. I kinda wish I thought there was no hope...so i could just get over her, and move on...though not sure if i could...

and everytime taylor is there getting more flirty than ever i want to punch him...

i hate myself...I hate this...

I keep wanting to hate or hurt her, but then the thought hurts too much. I hate myself for thinking it...especially cause i know i couldn't...

Though just continuing to talk to everyone possible is annoying...cause once i am not talking and free to think...i realize how much talking to anyone is hurting...

God I guess i can't even fake being happy well...and hate that this could hurt anyone, or get empathy, and almost don't want to post any of these for that reason...but I promised myself this is for me. Solely me. It was my record of everything, and no way would i ruin that...

I can't wait till yugioh tommorow...I need something to get me distracted and give me a reason to ignore the world...

though even if it causes me pain i still want to talk...

Heh. Guess i still can't even hope for the future, live in present, and just reflect on the past...

If there is a god, he is not doin well to earn points...

Though guess that's cause i lost my angel...

I hate everything... I hate myself...

I should never have gone to bens tonight, in the end it hurt too much...

At least no more school. That will lower the pain...

Ugh, now for my natural fix all...Can go sleep so all of tomorrow i can be fine...till night when it registers again....

here. Quotes. Things.

Watch me not care. -Dilbert

Right or wrong, it's very pleasant to break something from time to time. -Fedor Dostoevski

Boys frustrate me. I hate all thier indirect messages, I hate game playing. Do you like me or don't you? Just tell me so I can get over you.- Kirsten Dunst

bleh

screw this day, that is all.

I'm going away for a while
But I'll be back, don't try and follow me
'Cause I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm trying to find my place
But it might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes

And run
From them, from them
With no direction
We'll run from them, from them
With no conviction

'Cause I'm just one of those ghosts
Traveling endlessly
Don't need no road
In fact they follow me

And we just go in circles

Now I'm told that this is life
And pain is just a simple compromise
So we can get what we want out of it
Would someone care to classify,
Our broken hearts and twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on

And run
To them, to them
Full speed ahead
Oh you are not, Useless
We are just

Misguided ghosts
Traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there's no one road
We should not be the same
But I'm just a ghost
And still they echo me

They echo me in circles

true group and status

Hi, I'm a Girl, I Ignore Decent Guys and Choose Scumbags Instead: notice when guys get criticised, they generally accept that some guys are pricks and that girls shouldn't be chasing them? Whereas when girls get criticised, it turns into a Freudian debate where they twist the blame on you with bullshit psychology? So in essence, guys can never win, because when a girl does wrong, it's ultimately the guys fault because subconsciously he's made her do it. It's cool to be a guy :)


So true. >.>

Man, should not be lookin through old blogs...

Heh. God, *licks lips* This irony. It is so delicious. Now ii really am missing it. Hating this situation. Asking myself why, wondering why it faded, wondering if i should try, and all that fun stuff. Exact reversal. Heh. Irony. It is delicious.

Heh. Man, I am back in control, sorta. But some stuff is hard to stop, just from muscle memory. Heh. Man, keeping happy when I can barely stand myself is a bitch.

Looking htrough my texts also killed, was gonna go and delete everything i didn't need (mostly pictures which do not auto-delete), and saw the text she sent right after sugoi. Yeh, pathetic saving it, but i am a sap.

*breathes* Oh well. I will be strong, just whining and moaning won't do shit. Trying to hurt myself, or hurt her subconsiously, or anything of that sort. Nothing will come from it. Lets hope this all turns out well. If it doesn't...Who knows.

but man, i hate this.

On bright side, NO MORE SCHOOL FUCK YEH, except for alehandra. Everyone, point and laugh at her now *points and laughs* *ben calls short*

Oh, and Rachel may get me a chocobo plush, so then i haz chocobo and mah super epicz moogle de awesome. *nodnod*

Man, this is rambly today.

And man, texting emily and ben yesterday...I felt some small pang as if there was something unsaid that should have been said. But then Ben took emily's phone. And it went to talking about sexiness.

You know...Later maybe i will write something. Just to get my head in a workable place.

Paramore still is addicting.

SOMEBODY TOLD ME YOU HAD A BOYFRIEND, THAT LOOKS LIKE A GIRLFRIEND, I HAD OF FEBRUARY OF LAST YEAR, ITS NOT CONFEDENTIAL, I'VE GOT POTENTIAL

Okay, random song burst...

CH-ch-chia. Finally growing chia pet. Woot piggeh~ I named it Mew >.>

Reborn sucked again.

One piece was the shit.

Naruto ruined its goodness.

Bleach was so-so.

ULTIMO FTW.

Laura has been actually texting me often. dunno if it is pity, worry, or something. Who knows.

I hope it storms again, though then jadey will freak out again...

Oh hey. 9 Days till i get a new phone...I should probably start thinking about that.

WEeeeee i really need to write...

insomnia still here. Joy...

If only Ron was here. He'd be able to help...and stop my hair from stabbing my eyes, without cutting my ear. God blessed, how did Aunt Chrissy become pro hair person...

Sabo is so gonna die...

Had epic team i was playin with in L4D2. One of the kinds of things that you just have pure, unadultered, fun, and you can forget the rest of the world as you goof around with people who become your allies, and just kill the shit out of zombies.

God, i love zombie killing.

Man, I NEED MAH JUNK DESTROYER.

Dad is limiting me to 2 rootbeer a day...this last week or two sucks so much shit.

Dear lord, so much here...

Well, i will stop driving you all insane. So yeh...

I need to go to woods more often

So fun. But bro and friend left a cooler they used to put fish and stuff in down at creek, but it got swept away. We ain't seeing that again.

But god, since taylor punched me way-to-fucking hard in diaphram earlier breathing has been hellish, hurts to take a breath, and not near heart/horn, right where he nailed. Adn any time i cough i feel like throwing up -_- Made fun trip to creek hard.

And. Too. Fucking. Hot. Out.

Holy mother of ultimo

That was fucking awesome. New Ultimo>>>last few weeks bleach, naruto, and KHR. Hell, maybe even some of the One Piece. God damn that was awesome. <3 ultimo

I guess i am tired of being happy, at least for today

I am keeping from going into a full out depression. But i really just can't keep up being happy today. I just am near a breaking point, nad fed up with a lot of shit. I guess i quit for today. Part of it is probably that for about a week i have gotten only 4 hours of sleep or so, yay insomnia -_- Ugh, today i am just drowning my everything into yugioh and books.

And taylor is having a party. Won't be able to go till late, oh well, barely want to go to be honest. Just getting sick of taylor. Oh well, will show up, maybe be broken out of this rut (or forced out by a nap), if not more DS.

But yeh, really losing urge to start anyhting. Will talk when others start, but don't want to start much....

But today was good i guess. NO MORE FUCKING SCHOOL, oh, nad i got Kim's Cell number. So now i can bother her. I love Kim, she entertains me, haha. And she gives me answers/help and is a Dresden fan, but that totally is not an influence in any of it >.>

So yeh, i guess that is all...

Storm, so pleasent.

Wash away wash away
the pains of my day
come to stay come to stay
in your pleasant rainy way

I <3 storm. Though going out right as lightning strikes close enough for the WHOLE sky to light is a bit freaky when half asleep. But god...I wish this would happen every day. Doesn't matter how shitty this week has been, or any week, when I walk through rain, or just stand in it, or dance in it...I never can feel bad.

wow, 365 blog posts, a whole year...

I guess big accomplishment or something. But truthfully i dunno. On much of anything at the moment...I just don't know.

Man, for once i may do this shit right. OR i will do it wrong...but hell i am goin to do this without regrets.

Alex, you amazingly don't have to worry about me. No one for this matter...and if you do, this time I am not letting that stupid pride get to me. Something clicked in me. And i really grew sick of how i usually would act. I refuse to do that.

I know what i want. Where i stand. I know that even if this is how it is, and even if i still love her, I rather have her as a friend than nothing.

I won't become the monster i was last year or so ago, i won't do what i did to laura.

And Laura, god, i know i have said this before...but Sorry. Truly. I was a horrible person, and still despise everything i did. I know, i can't fix it, and that these words are fruitless and can't do much...but i feel that taking that advice you gave me before, and other times will count as showing what i mean through actions. Also, thanks, you are one of the few who even while close to me would get fully on my case, and call me out on everything. And if you didn't say what needed to be said i would be horrible. I would still be that Clint wannabe, that mini monster i tried to be. So Thanks.

Emily, thanks too. You saved my life, helped me through a ton, and put up with my stupidity. And i never did say it back, but no matter what we are still best friends.

And to everyone. Thanks. You all are amazing. And some of the few who i feel comfortable and trustin with.

But guys, don't worry bout me too much? K? For once i am living by what i say, playing this smart. I am not gonna let it take me and make me depressed and just hurt other people. I will wait, i will play this smart. Maybe it will end bad, maybe it will end good. If not, well, maybe i will find my Autumn. I won't deny, i am sad, confused, all that stuff, but more than that, i am happy. If i let the other stuff get to me nothing good will happen. But damn, i know i have lots of good going on, and i know i complain when everyone focuses on the one thing ignoring the good. So i won't complain and let my life go to hell. I have great friends, i am doin good on stuff, i have multiple books, and get to use my dads ipod for exam week. Also for once I am refusing to let pride be my bane, i am gonna talk to you guys if i need help. So don't feel hurt for me, don't feel sorry, give me your pity or anything of the sort.

So yeh. That is all really. And stuff. Oh, whenever i listen to misguided ghosts i think of pacman...