Oh bloggy. The tendancy for everything I write here to come back and bite my ass is astounding.

Wierdly im just not feeling anything but a stark indifference.

I would think I should be happy ...or upset....or something.

Oh well. Back to sleep.

This is bullshit. Why have I been so freaky the last few nights. Dwelling on bad.being unable to sleep. Upset. Scared.

And why do I feel bad about that damn group message last week? Why do I feel so awful about the whole thing. I mean...I really think everyone gave Emily too much shit, and she was in her right to be upset...but why do I give a damn. She don't give one bout me. And I did nothing. At all. Yet I feel like it was all my fault. Again.

Why do these damn few people make me doubt myself innately why can I lose any shred of self esteem and belief to them. If it involves them instantly I feel wrong, weak, scared.

Probably because they can make me think. Change.

And funnily. According to Kasha Emily is still talking about me, saying untrue things...I dunno what that is bout. I really don't see her as a lle-to-defame type. And you don't really need lies to do that...

But the oddest part? I don't care about that. I don't give a shit if she is or isn't.

And weirder...unless it is a situation like this...I don't even think about Emily anymore. Odd.

And man. This really still calms me. God I needed this.

God bless ya all, merry Christmas.

This is why people can't have nice things.

Worse why do I care bout this shit.

Or her.

Or him.

Or other her.

And dammit why is there like no chance of getting Alex and Zach here for my bday...

And fuck all this drama. Let me out.