Man. It has been a wild one. Ya know, these last 4 years I have used this place as my aid, my ally, my weakness, my strength.
But now...One month and I will be in college.
One month and everything starts anew.
Yet with that, everything is back a bit like it started.
So much has change, and so much has stayed the same.
But you know, I'm damn excited. It is an adventure. I love ya all.
With the events of the last few days, hell, weeks, I guess everything has come to an end.
With that, this arc is over, and I am retiring this, it will sit here for people to read. But I am done with it.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Story
Okay, been bored, high on meds right now, wanna write this random scene in head, mostly dialogue, but I really ahve liked it.
To nonexistent readers, background for scene.
Maro just told Sera he couldnt be near her anymore. Usual stupid im-dangerous since he is about to make a deal with Fairy queen, putting those he knows in danger. Elena is his friend, dating Dano who has become his best friend over last few months.
Elena bursts into the room glaring at Maro, "What in the fucking hell?"
"How did you get in?" Maro questions simply, avoiding her gaze and question.
"You told Sera you guys couldnt talk anymore? what bullshit is this? I thought you two were close as hell." She exclaims (Boy do I suck at writing nowadays. )
Maro sighs, "It's more complicated...I can't....I won't hurt her and put her in danger."
"Really? that is your damn excuse. You already have hurt her, asshole, she is in tears back there!"
Maro looks up at her in confusion, "What?"
"she has feelings. Most people don't handle someone they care about just ending everything for no reason well." Elena tells him coldly.
"I..."
"You what, you didn't think? You never think except about your damn self." She yells.
this time maro turns to glare at her, "Really? You think that? I have to spend every day planning how I can manage to keep myself from getting kicked out of the council. How to protect my family. How to stop all this shit that comes my way. I am subjugated to hell for having been a carrier of Forgotten powers, for being the son of one of the biggest council traitors ever, for having to take over a whole Sector after Sosun. And I have to fight to keep that claim, which I dont want, just so I can keep my family safe and so they cant execute me because of my damn dad, who I never even knew. I may have to make a deal with someone I never wanted to see again, and call in a favor I never wanted to call in. So maybe I am being selfish."
"Maro..." Elena whispers, "You can't just push everyone away. We are all here for you. I know Dano hasnt known you long, but yo and him are best friends. And Sera...She likes you a lot too. I know we cant be like Shiro and hte others, but we care. I care."
Maro sighs, "I...I've lost so many people already. I can't handle losing anyone else," He whispers, "my family wouldnt leave if I tried. Neither would you or Dano...but Sera...I can't hurt her. It terrifies me to even consider the thought of it. And I will hurt her, I know it."
Elena sits down by him, stroking his face softly, "Maro, honey, my friend...Don't you think that it should be her decision to make? "
Maro looks down at his hands, then stands up and walks to the door, " Im sorry, I just...I need to get some fresh air. "
Maro sits on the park bench, staring into the night sky as he watches the fireflies dance under the stars, "what am I gonna do..."
then he feels a light shifting of the bench and the smell of vanilla, "Hey..." He hears Sera say as she leans against him lightly.
"It's gorgeous out tonight," Maro says to her, "Don't you think?"
With a small smile she gives an agreement, "Do you always come to this spot?"
"Yeah, it is peaceful, serene, calming, ya know. I always found this place wonderful to think, and it is something beautiful ."
"I agree," she says, then looks at him, then asks with some reservation, "What are you thinking about?"
"I...There is no way to get through to council on my own, I may have to call in a deal..." He says looking at her, then looking away, "And I ...I'm sorry, this could hurt people, and I didnt want to hurt you...I shouldnt have done what I did."
"Hey, if it hurts me, so be it, I am strong and can handle it," She tells him quietly as her hand moves over his and squeezes it, "You are my best friend, I want to be with you through this."
Maro looks at her and whispers, "You are my best friend too...but I lost Sosun, I lost Michael, Horatio, my parents...I almost lost my life, then I think about losing you and it scares me, more than anything has scared me in recent times, and I...I just don't..." He starts saying, fumbling for words, before he leans over and kisses her.
Her eyes open wide and she pushes him back, "What the hell?"
Maro starts stuttering, "I...just...I didn't know what to do...I've never done this before," He says as his face moves into his hands, "It works in the movies..."
"Well it is really damn confusing after you just said you didnt want to be friends earlier!" she exclaims blushing, "And I highly doubt you have never done this before. Everyone has told the stories."
"No, I haven't done this...tried to say how I actually cared, how I felt. Every other time I just went for...things." He says with increasing anxiety.
"Sex Maro, it is called sex. I know you have had it, I have had it, we are adults, we can say sex. " Sera says looking at him with a laugh, her cheeks still slightly red.
"Gah, stop making this more awkward!" He tells her, and starts laughing.
After a small giggle she looks at him, "So...how do you feel about me?"
He looks at her, then says, " I like you, a lot more than I have anyone else...And I don't know what I am doing on this."
She looks at him confused, "You really have never done this before have you?"
"No..." He says with slight embarrassment.
She then smiles, and leans over kissing him on the cheek, "It is kinda adorable."
He smiles back as he squeezes her hand, and she squeezes his back, "So, we are doing this? What if it ends badly?" He asks, worry creeping into his voice.
"We will figure it out when it happens, if it does," She tells him, then kisses him again, and he kisses back happily.
"Holy shit!" They hear, as they see Elena and Dano in front of them. Instantly pulling apart and moving to opposite sides of the bench, blushing and startled.
Dano looks at them, "That is definitely not 'killing each other' , I think I win that bet."
Elena elbows him roughly, "I told you guys to make up and be friends again, not make out!"
Maro and Sera look at them, "What are you two doing here?" Sera questions.
"You really bet on whether we were killing each other or not?" Maro says with a laugh to Dano, giving him a thumbs up.
"Oh yeah, to the tune of a nice Lincoln." Dano says returning the thumbs up.
Both boys find elbows digging into their sides, "We were worried so we came to check up on you, I see we shouldnt have been." Elena tells her friend.
"Yeah, it does seem that way, doesnt it?" Sera says.
Elena grabs her wrist and starts pulling her away, "We have to talk now, come on"
Sera stumbles up and follows her friend, "Uh, text me?" She says to Maro, "Wait, nevermind , I know you hate it." she adds, then waves goodbye, saying they will talk later.
Dano looks at him, "Well, that was interesting. To say the least. Wanna go chill out, I think you need it?"
Maro looks at Dano, then stands up and stares at the stars, and starts walking to their room, "You got that right man, you got that right. I ain't sure what the hell just happened" he says with a laugh.
Then looks down at his phone, and sends a text to Sera, murming to himself, "I may hate texting, but I still wanna text you."
To nonexistent readers, background for scene.
Maro just told Sera he couldnt be near her anymore. Usual stupid im-dangerous since he is about to make a deal with Fairy queen, putting those he knows in danger. Elena is his friend, dating Dano who has become his best friend over last few months.
Elena bursts into the room glaring at Maro, "What in the fucking hell?"
"How did you get in?" Maro questions simply, avoiding her gaze and question.
"You told Sera you guys couldnt talk anymore? what bullshit is this? I thought you two were close as hell." She exclaims (Boy do I suck at writing nowadays. )
Maro sighs, "It's more complicated...I can't....I won't hurt her and put her in danger."
"Really? that is your damn excuse. You already have hurt her, asshole, she is in tears back there!"
Maro looks up at her in confusion, "What?"
"she has feelings. Most people don't handle someone they care about just ending everything for no reason well." Elena tells him coldly.
"I..."
"You what, you didn't think? You never think except about your damn self." She yells.
this time maro turns to glare at her, "Really? You think that? I have to spend every day planning how I can manage to keep myself from getting kicked out of the council. How to protect my family. How to stop all this shit that comes my way. I am subjugated to hell for having been a carrier of Forgotten powers, for being the son of one of the biggest council traitors ever, for having to take over a whole Sector after Sosun. And I have to fight to keep that claim, which I dont want, just so I can keep my family safe and so they cant execute me because of my damn dad, who I never even knew. I may have to make a deal with someone I never wanted to see again, and call in a favor I never wanted to call in. So maybe I am being selfish."
"Maro..." Elena whispers, "You can't just push everyone away. We are all here for you. I know Dano hasnt known you long, but yo and him are best friends. And Sera...She likes you a lot too. I know we cant be like Shiro and hte others, but we care. I care."
Maro sighs, "I...I've lost so many people already. I can't handle losing anyone else," He whispers, "my family wouldnt leave if I tried. Neither would you or Dano...but Sera...I can't hurt her. It terrifies me to even consider the thought of it. And I will hurt her, I know it."
Elena sits down by him, stroking his face softly, "Maro, honey, my friend...Don't you think that it should be her decision to make? "
Maro looks down at his hands, then stands up and walks to the door, " Im sorry, I just...I need to get some fresh air. "
Maro sits on the park bench, staring into the night sky as he watches the fireflies dance under the stars, "what am I gonna do..."
then he feels a light shifting of the bench and the smell of vanilla, "Hey..." He hears Sera say as she leans against him lightly.
"It's gorgeous out tonight," Maro says to her, "Don't you think?"
With a small smile she gives an agreement, "Do you always come to this spot?"
"Yeah, it is peaceful, serene, calming, ya know. I always found this place wonderful to think, and it is something beautiful ."
"I agree," she says, then looks at him, then asks with some reservation, "What are you thinking about?"
"I...There is no way to get through to council on my own, I may have to call in a deal..." He says looking at her, then looking away, "And I ...I'm sorry, this could hurt people, and I didnt want to hurt you...I shouldnt have done what I did."
"Hey, if it hurts me, so be it, I am strong and can handle it," She tells him quietly as her hand moves over his and squeezes it, "You are my best friend, I want to be with you through this."
Maro looks at her and whispers, "You are my best friend too...but I lost Sosun, I lost Michael, Horatio, my parents...I almost lost my life, then I think about losing you and it scares me, more than anything has scared me in recent times, and I...I just don't..." He starts saying, fumbling for words, before he leans over and kisses her.
Her eyes open wide and she pushes him back, "What the hell?"
Maro starts stuttering, "I...just...I didn't know what to do...I've never done this before," He says as his face moves into his hands, "It works in the movies..."
"Well it is really damn confusing after you just said you didnt want to be friends earlier!" she exclaims blushing, "And I highly doubt you have never done this before. Everyone has told the stories."
"No, I haven't done this...tried to say how I actually cared, how I felt. Every other time I just went for...things." He says with increasing anxiety.
"Sex Maro, it is called sex. I know you have had it, I have had it, we are adults, we can say sex. " Sera says looking at him with a laugh, her cheeks still slightly red.
"Gah, stop making this more awkward!" He tells her, and starts laughing.
After a small giggle she looks at him, "So...how do you feel about me?"
He looks at her, then says, " I like you, a lot more than I have anyone else...And I don't know what I am doing on this."
She looks at him confused, "You really have never done this before have you?"
"No..." He says with slight embarrassment.
She then smiles, and leans over kissing him on the cheek, "It is kinda adorable."
He smiles back as he squeezes her hand, and she squeezes his back, "So, we are doing this? What if it ends badly?" He asks, worry creeping into his voice.
"We will figure it out when it happens, if it does," She tells him, then kisses him again, and he kisses back happily.
"Holy shit!" They hear, as they see Elena and Dano in front of them. Instantly pulling apart and moving to opposite sides of the bench, blushing and startled.
Dano looks at them, "That is definitely not 'killing each other' , I think I win that bet."
Elena elbows him roughly, "I told you guys to make up and be friends again, not make out!"
Maro and Sera look at them, "What are you two doing here?" Sera questions.
"You really bet on whether we were killing each other or not?" Maro says with a laugh to Dano, giving him a thumbs up.
"Oh yeah, to the tune of a nice Lincoln." Dano says returning the thumbs up.
Both boys find elbows digging into their sides, "We were worried so we came to check up on you, I see we shouldnt have been." Elena tells her friend.
"Yeah, it does seem that way, doesnt it?" Sera says.
Elena grabs her wrist and starts pulling her away, "We have to talk now, come on"
Sera stumbles up and follows her friend, "Uh, text me?" She says to Maro, "Wait, nevermind , I know you hate it." she adds, then waves goodbye, saying they will talk later.
Dano looks at him, "Well, that was interesting. To say the least. Wanna go chill out, I think you need it?"
Maro looks at Dano, then stands up and stares at the stars, and starts walking to their room, "You got that right man, you got that right. I ain't sure what the hell just happened" he says with a laugh.
Then looks down at his phone, and sends a text to Sera, murming to himself, "I may hate texting, but I still wanna text you."
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Idiocy
I am not quite sure how my thoughts found this good.
So you know Emily and others have and look at my reddit.
Run away from reddit, use this for personal stuff.
Knbow people may see this
Dont turn it private
Stupidly post about it on reddit
Still dont turn private
Dont delete post.
Whut.
But man, I have been thinking about so many things. I wish...I was not here. I just wanna be with like Molly. Or Alex.
I miss Alex. I cant wait to see her again. If she comes up for Ohayocon that will be the best birthday gift ever. And molly too, so amazing a gift.
Heh, you know, it is weird, thinking about it...Alex is the only one who has believed in me, been happy at the idea of me doing something, or getting somewhere, and encouraged me for things...since Emily.
Hell , I cant even do that for myself.
God. I have the best friends. I am one of the luckiest people ever.
So you know Emily and others have and look at my reddit.
Run away from reddit, use this for personal stuff.
Knbow people may see this
Dont turn it private
Stupidly post about it on reddit
Still dont turn private
Dont delete post.
Whut.
But man, I have been thinking about so many things. I wish...I was not here. I just wanna be with like Molly. Or Alex.
I miss Alex. I cant wait to see her again. If she comes up for Ohayocon that will be the best birthday gift ever. And molly too, so amazing a gift.
Heh, you know, it is weird, thinking about it...Alex is the only one who has believed in me, been happy at the idea of me doing something, or getting somewhere, and encouraged me for things...since Emily.
Hell , I cant even do that for myself.
God. I have the best friends. I am one of the luckiest people ever.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
fallbacks
Doing it again. Im trying to make something from nothing. Trying to be insulted or relieved by anything. You need this. To do what you've said. Your usual advice. Keep to it.
Stop being crazy. Calm down. Think logical. Or at least don't breakdown.
Don't keep to these old habits.
Must change...
Head is pounding...
Ow.
God. What is wrong with me.
I should talk to someone...
Im so lost. But I can't admit it...tell Molly. Tell Alex. Someone...
Stop being crazy. Calm down. Think logical. Or at least don't breakdown.
Don't keep to these old habits.
Must change...
Head is pounding...
Ow.
God. What is wrong with me.
I should talk to someone...
Im so lost. But I can't admit it...tell Molly. Tell Alex. Someone...
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