WHY UNI WHY

WHY FORESHADOW HER DEATH WHY I LIKE UNI T_T

Interesting day

well, been fretting doing lots of last minute work. Caught up. But i have a notebook quiz in math tommorow...oh boy. I am screwed screwed screwed.

Lets see. PRogramming in Comp sci is annoying, it keeps crahing and freezing. So i go to his class tommorow at study hall. Hopefully can finish the 3 projects.

got shit load of study questions for English.

Uhm, nothing chem.

UHm 3 projects due tommorow.. ADN SHIT A PAPER TODAY I GOT TO DO >.<

Lots o spanish cooking.

Some math.

Ugh. stupid school.

But i really enjoyed today, messed around with friends. And Mrs. Fromm's adorable little girl Evi came to her class xD A 3 year old girl in an aurora outfit (disney princess) +Pom poms+ NAthan acting her age= no work done entire class, shitload of laughs, and a great time.

And tay is apparently getting upset when whit tells him to be a tad less clingy, I want to say he is being stupid, but i can't help but defend him. I know how it is. Even if you ask someone to tell you if you go overboard, when they do you feel like your doing everything wrong and they are pissed. I do it a good bit myself. So i can't blame him, but i can talk to him and help him cool down. Need to do that... Will find time.

And uhm. Woot my new deck... and uh, dunno.

WOO FUCKING YES

GOT THE NEW DECK! Fuck yeh.

And crap, need to do work...

And day without meds=fail

interesting fun.

Haha, so i went to tarjay. Good way to bide time. It was cold though and my hands where numb good while after. I saw my awesome social studies teacher nad her kids (who are adorable) and Jenn hessman. Haha, my bro asked if i knew her or just randomly said hi to a stranger (which i would do), but i do like Jenn, i have known her years. I think i had a crush on her in fifth grade. Can't remember...Oh well. But sadly target had no Decks D:

But hmm. It was a good way to burn time. Since the circle is dead. And in all honesty i have been feeling really awkward even there. Heh. Everyone has a clique they for sure can identify with, band, years and years, same grade, etc. But among all the friends i am sorta -prepare for Reborn reference- Cloud like. Held down to no set area, and drifting among them all, the loner to a degree. But sometimes it sucks since i feel so awkward when with people. I mean if i was with just like Ria, laura and rachel i would feel awkward since they are a little girl clique, or if with all the band cultists i would feel a bit awkward. And i already feel awkward and invasive about sugoi. And why? Because i will be randomly showing up saturday, and sorta feeling like i am gonna be interrupting a reunion between the girls and alex. Sorta like i felt at Kings island, except way worse. Since at KI I knew mo before, but i have never met alex.

Though i am oddly excited about meeting her. I mean honestly she has become one of my closest friends. And one of the few people I really want to talk to more often. And when i think about it i have had an outrageously low amount of bad vibes between us. I mean with most people i have had weeks where i couldn't stand them -Ria for past events, Ben for WoW, etc- but i have had only like 2 bad weeks with her (which is low.). And i could easily say i love her (as a friend you stupid love-can-only-be-romance people), and consider her some one super close, and a partner in mischief. Just like my lovely daughter whitney.

And out of all the people she is someone i can easily confide in, easier than most others, i mean with emily i would either feel odd or not want to make her worry. Bren, taylor, scott i barely talk to anymore due to school or other stuff, sometimes i can talk well with louie who i have gotten really close too. But alex. Hmm. I dunno, we are a lot alike, and whenever she feels pain, i can really sympathize, and i usually know what it is like...

Eh. I just really wanted to write. I don't know why. But i have been talking yugioh with phil which is fun. And I have had an urge to type out the one series of stories stuck in my head... Or even write them... Hmmm.

And i have been feeling sick a lot, like naseous. But not really sick. And it is not i have not eaten nauseous. And i have been outrageously tired. Odd...

Oh well. I feel oddly better and calm. Toodaloo and sayanara.

Damnit damnit damnit

I got a bit of work to do. But that is not hard. Lots of spanish cooking >.<

And binder turn in thursday in American studies...hoo boy. Not good.

AND I WANT THE NEW DECK RIGHT NOW. THEY WILL LET ME MAKE SUPER PWN YUGIOH DECK D:< Mom needs to get home so i can buy them D:<

What's your problem?

You two think you can do whatever you want. Well I'm sick of it.

I need to keep this immoralized

starlightgal93 (9:21:38 PM): I found a way to incorporate the ring into tit!!!

Hooky day.

Gah, can't focus, way tired, and outrageously hungry. So i came home. Couldn't stand it. xD

And ASGDFHASD STOP UNRIGGING LOCKER

Also jessica/others who care I can't get to teh parteh tomorrow till like 5-6

Er-

I really can't focus without meds. Today was dull. Found out i was the worst grade in class on math test. Oh well. And. Uhm. Who knows. Nothing else.

Haha, today was not too bad

So like in study hall me and laura had a sharpie Vs. Marker fight, it was fun xD Most productive study hall ever.

And god facebook rules, been talking to Kelsey a lot there. And she is moving to the states, i hope she moves here... I know she won't, but that rules that she may be somewhere around here, so i might be able to see her more. And lol, i just realized that like none of you know of her, or the lulzly past i have with her. I may tell sometime.

And man, now i ish making brother find all my old pokemon cards.

Okay, never go off meds during a test day.

I went off my meds to eat wellz and for cooking lab, then had test at end of day. My god. It was awful... I can't focus without them at all D: When i am on them everything is crystal clear and i can go like god power focus. But when off them...Ow.

Other than that, nada.

lalala

had a party, twas fun, duct taped rachel to stuff, so fun xD I really needed that party.

And i can't find my psp T_T I think it at grandma's...

Uhm, nothing else...

Once. Again. Nothing.

So boring of a day. Most eventful thing was getting shit about cussing from derek who-gives-a-fuck-his-name. He said it showed small vocabulary and yadda yadda, i responded how as he said it was his opinions, and they don't matter for shit, and i thought cuba was random and should be destroyed, religion is pointless and idiotic, and that i think cussing is a good thing with no issue. And by god did he get pissed about religion xD but then we got to go into class, but man, if i said it like he did and responded how i wanted to, "Well, are you religious, if so just stop. It shows a lack of intelligence." xD literally he said "don't curse...Just stop....i think it just shows a lack of vocab." xD Stupid boy.

Titles are not easy when nothing is happening

Visited by career center, seemed interesting, not anything i really want to do...Though i saw Bianca. She is cool. Haha.

Uhm. I am really utterly in love with Intro to Comp Sci...the alice thing, letting you program, and all the technical aspects. It is so intruging nad amazing. And i know how to work it so well. And no worries over what someone will think, or how it will be interpreted, i have to tell the computer everything exactly. It takes it all so literally. Factually. Simply. I love it. I ended up spending last two periods writing out an easy code for current project, but to do it with most efficiency is a bit hard. But i got it down, and it should work perfectly. Then i can add fun extras.

Oh. And the king kong project i did was so damn epic that the teacher is using it for latter years 8D Seriously. I have new respect for anyone making comp games, or programming. All i did was make kong climb a building, and swat planes, and then fall down and die as a plane shot it. And this is with alice, which is easier to use than most. and ya know what, it was a super bitch to do it. Especially plane swatting.

Though now i hate i can't use alice on my computer T_T

Uhm. Uhm. Mom stupid and messed up my farmvilled D:< I am chanign my pass on her.

Hrm. I have started Eureka 7, pretty good so far, yet to get addicted, but haven't gotten as anime-watching-mood. Speciially like i did with Gurren.

No one piece this week DDDD:

Uhm. Uhm. Things still feelin bit awkward between me and some people. Though i am choking it off as "awkward in school and public" things. I mean, taylor won't even accept my love DX

Okay. Yes. I was mainly wanting to post that for no reason. I am bored.

Hmmmm. Anything else...

Oh, was looking at old poems, stories, etc. I sucked a lot xD and still do. Woot failed hobbies of old~

And i guess i will end this. So that's all folks.

zip. nada. zilch

Life is uneventful of late. There was kh and tournament, but i dun care enough to write...

nothin

nuthin to say. had one kh seen stuck in my head with epic quote "Whats your problem? You two think you can do whatever you want...well i'm sick of it. Just keep running, but i will always be here to bring you back!"

Been having lots of doubts and paranoia on who i am, and how i am viewed.

Conflicted on tay and whit. Seeing them together is something i like, i think they look good, glad they are going well yada yada, emphasize, same ol. But i also have inner rage D:< It is a wierd mix!

Hrm, i been feeling bit crappy recently.

Bah, i have been left alone, no one is respondin to anything, so i am bored. But i have been feeling really alone recently. Like i don't have the one group i really belong and fit in. I mean, within all our friends there are obvious sects, and i just don't fit there perfectly. I am that "good friend" "everyones friend" person. Not the best friend. The great friend. The one to tell all the stories to and to always invite.

My grade, i have only really huge connections with tay and miguel. Miguel and social life don't mix. So that dies. And taylor is too busy with band, and i never see him, so we barely talk and hang out. Same with ben.

And even if Jess, Whit, and Em, and such all accept me, it is still different, they have the past, the memories, and they are always together. I have to casually slip the idea of inviting me, or of me bothering if i want to do something. And it is their grade as the sect. And Maria, laura, and Rachel have their little group...its just, really sad at times. I mean, i use to have aim. Then there was me and bren, and even louie and phil as gamers, adn jokers, and we where all around during PMD, and we could relate. Or i use to have clint and scott, with all the jokes and such, or even gaia with my friends there. But now...I got some stuff here and there, and am really close to people, but in short random bursts. But not as often as i wish. No longer do i have those friends that i am known for talking to every class, but i am struggling to just get some attention with some smaller friends like Kim or Sarah Van oss(God, i love her name so much...), or Christy. And just wanting to feel as if i belong.

And from this i start over doing things. I engross myself in things time to time, letting obsession or books rule my life. Or i overextend, trying to associate with people, acting too romantic, or too friendly, or too annoying. And i piss people off. And from that i feel worse. Causing me to go back to doing whatever it was in a dreadful cycle.

And then i try to change, try to stop, but i make myself worse in the end, or hate myself for going against everything i base myself on, just to be accepted. And hate what i am.

God. I miss bren. I miss Scott. I miss clint.

I talked to scott about an hour only, but it felt so accepted, so right. Same with my cousin kelsey. There was no forcedness. I was not trying to overexert to feel accepted. It is natural, i miss that.

Bah, sometimes i just wish i knew where i belonged. I wish i knew exactly what everyone felt bout me and where i stand.

And man, I really despise posting this. Because i bet someone will be hurt. Or comment on how they care, then i will feel crappy for making them guilty, or i will feel like an idiot for overthinking things and causing this. Hell. The whole reason i am posting this is a selfish pleasure.

Though that is a bit of a lie, there is the part of me that likes people reading, that gives me a small glee. Bah, stupid confusing self. Man. I don't know where i stand. I don't know my morals. I don't really know what i truly like or care for. I am not sure which friends are really my friends. Don't know my opinions. I don't know where i want to go for the future...

God. I don't know anything. I am so damn lost in this life...Bah.

Live life to its fullest. Live with no regrets. Go with the flow. My philosophy has not changed. And it has worked so far. I will continue like that...

BAH

Nothing. At. All. Assembly was a bore. Feeling out of it. Kings island will do me good tommorow. Been falling into a wierd slump. It will fix that.

BAh

Got sora, been feeling odd. Its all been sureal. Everything, all my actions, most anything, it is as if someone else is doing it, and i am just watching it all. So strange. I say not to do something, body acts independently. I try to avoid something, it goes on. I think one thing, say another. Odd odd odd.

Also no One piece next friday D: so pre depression warning.

er.

Nothing really happened...Uhm, working on 100%ing days. I will have everything in about a week i do believe.

Somethin i been meanin to say

And i keep forgetting. oh well. So got cosplay, Whitney was pure win as usual and went beyond the impossible and kicked reason to the curb. She went as a teacher on teacher day alright, she went as mcgonagal(sp?) from Harry potter. It was epic.

And just so you all know. I am only 3 missions away from compeleting Day's story mode >.>

Oh yeh, forgot to blog

Nothin happened today. Got facebook is all really. So ya, you can message me or do farmville crap with me now, and waht not.

Holy shit! Caught up!

I am now down to only whatever new things i get. I am actually caught up. Woot!

And uhm, halfway through Days. I think.

Oh. Laura is now in my study hall. Figured it out when she told me she had madaffer, and i then said that we had it...she didn't realize we had same study hall till study hall. T'was fun, we talked, goofed, planned torture for miguel, and other such things. Looks like things are back to normal with us. And this right here probably jinxed the lack of animosity between us.

And Recon=fail. I hate you recon.

Not much.

Uhm. I dunno. Nothing big happening around here. And such, uhm. Lets do dates.

Happy three days me and Days.

Happy 98 days in >.>

Uhm, happy 7 months, to steal emily the joy of posting that xD

9 days till kh

Happy 3 day anniversry of your Epic Fail Nintendo!

Uhm, yeh, thats all.