2 parts depressing, many parts happy, 1 part good-but-could-have-been-better

Depressing/bad: Well, according to maria at jess's party I told her and laura lies that got laura to end the friendship. So apparently i am the one who told laura that while laura and maria where alone ad hanging out maria got happy at the idea of laura's dad dieing so laura would not move. Apparently i am the one who told laura that maria called laura's parents that she could stay longer when she couldn't. God this is bull shit. Every single reason that i was told that laura was ending it was stories about just maria and laura. I never even spoke to laura. I tried to avoid it like the plague, that was a subject that i never wanted to approach since i liked them both. Hell i tried to get laura to tolerate her a little longer, while also saying i would support her with any decision. Now i did not try to fix it like taylor, because laura seethed hatred at the mention of maria. God, if i had wanted to end them why would i have told laura to be nice to maria, and invite maria to my b-day party... This is so damn stupid. I am the villian for every damn fucking thing with them. Even if i didn't do it or wasn't around. I can understand on me being a douche around them but this shit is retarded. Sometimes i wonder why i hang with them...mainly maria. I know she hates me, bet laura does too. Dunno why i bother just to get the shit. Since apparently i am the one sabotaging everything. That seems to be the case, even if i want taylor and laura to last, i am sabotaging it. Bull. Fucking. God. Damned. Shit.

And maria is having a little dating-superiority-complex to an annoying degree. My boyfriend this, me and my boyfriend. And just acting as if every single part of hers is amazing, and everything of another persons is wrong and vile. I mean she told taylor her relationship with evan was going better than his with laura, and here is the kicker, this was before evan asked her out. then she had said to me and emily, "I am glad me adn evan aren't based on lips, i mean we talk all the time and are actually friends and close" Oh, i mean god, she must be so right, I mean, seeing as how we are lucky to see each other in person once a month, maybe twice, we must never talk, and we don't discuss random shit. And we sure as hell aren't friends or close or anything, i mean i totally didn't ask her out because me and her where so close and good friends, it was obviously all for kissing. Which as i said many times for me is not a lustual thing, it is something that is only entertaining with someone i like and there are feelings between. Kissing with all the femmes during T or D never did anything unless i liked one. I mean god. It is like it is wrong to just sit and hold the girl you like and give her kisses, specially when you see her little do to different schools -_- I mean, I am happy for maria on getting the dude, but she is being a bit of a bitch about it.

Part-good-but-could-have-been-better: I got one gold box yesterday. Since mom stole money so i could not get more. But i got a Phoenix wing wind blast in golden, and a few decent cards. Today i will get mroe and hopefully get DaD and solemn.

Good: Well, yesterday i went to adult yugioh tournament. Did pretty well, 2 wins 2 losses. Though i think i let people kill a card of mine when they couldn't, costing me the duels, which sucks, but i need to figure out that ruling. And one kid pulled a cheap ass combo first turn, screwing me over from getting my strongest card out, and then negating everything i did. But the kid is cool. Me and him met at sneak preview before xD

Then after i went to jess's party. Messed with people. Played BS, which emily and ben cheated at! And Jess's bro lance cheated molly all the time xD Stole phones. threw people in a closet and locked them there. Got locked in a closet, and buried, and walled. Saw klay who has a hitler moustache. Made ben laugh. Dealt with maria, layed with emily and kissed and such. Found skittles to be fun and tasty. Got easy threee bucks and learned that Rainbow road wii haxes to a high degree. Almost killed maria for implying that i never listened to One winged angel and was not a fan of it, and acting as if she knew more about it than me (see final fantasy obsession, brandon). Uhm. Was a ditz and found out the gift i thought hadn't arrived was in the mail xD and dad forgot to bring it when he came. Oh, and bro gave jess a card xD

And that-a thats-a thats all folks

EDIT: OKAY EVERYONE GET DONUTS FROM LYNN'S DAYLIGHT DONUTS! IT IS FUCKING AMAZING. OH. MY. GOD. THEY. FUCKING. RULE!

Lazy

well, everything wenbt sorta well, Taryn had a seizure though T_T i hope she is okay T_T And got World championship 09 yesterday, finally!

Nothing. To. Report.

Day. Was. Usual. Gave. Scott. Pockey, he loved it. That. Is. All.

things you learn

Eating with tightened braces, and canker sores from braces is hell.

Laura will always want cookies from you. Always. Whenever library is closed.


Walking away when your told "you know the rules, i don't need to tell you" while a friends father focuses on ben, is rude. And "i don't need to tell you" does not mean "i don't need to tell you" like the words say. Surprise!

Holding hands and talking to ms. weydert when your girlfriend is out of it by the fireplace is Being alone with htem, making out, and grabbing their ass. Surprise!

The whole whitney and tay where making out and it was seen by mrs. baldino then by aunt karen, then mr. baldino then random adult, has turned to mr baldino seeing laura and scott jarret, who was not even at the party that time. Surprise!

The baldinos all are amazing story tellers and can over-dramatize anything, surprise!

I has no rootbeer or dr. pepper, i will be a bit agitated soon. URGH!

Scotty's birthday is tommorow~ Everyone tell him happy birthday! Text it to him! If you need his number ask! I shall get him pocky.

I will beat molly on saturday and get three bucks.

NO ROOTBEER OR DR PEPPER MAKES ME RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEE

Have a ton of homework to do by friday, or i lose everything.

400 atlas shrugged pages left....I will finish it in a week somehow!

Today was not too bad except for maria and mom bitching at me about the baldino's party in which i really did nothing wrong. And not bothering taylor or laura about doing the same stuff me and emily did. because Mr. Baldino is a Gfaqs mod. They don't care what shit everyone else is doing, only You. So i was the target. *flips off fate/destiny/god/world/life/whatnot*

Whora is trying to fuck over taylor hain and be a bitch. Surprise!

I like surprise, surprise!

Mom seems to not care bout me taking psp anymore, sweet!

Uhm. I think i will get some pocky to take to school tommorow...i will be god among friends xD

I should start a pocky black market.

I am almost done with school....

Uhm. nothing else really. Surprise!

Got off half the day~

Went to ortho, not too bad. And my canker sore is almost gone. And my mouth is burnt. ugh.

And bored. Need to finish shaman king and atlas shrugged....

Day was fine, pretty entertaining. Evan's group had One Winged angel as the ending sondg on their spanish project, i was the only other one to know what it was in class xD

Well, fun party is fun.

Party at ria's yesterday. Originally i had doubts, but it was fun. ME adn her cousin charlie flirted and joked around, hung out with emily, saw taylor and laura kiss, i like those two together, good for taylor though, feel happy for him. Uhm. Got an upper deck hat. Did not find my guide. I saw monty python...it was kinda stupid. not to funny. Uhm. Got told still being a douche, adn it annoys me i can't see or realize when i am being one, or stop, and when people try to tell i probably shrug it off, god, i hate that...stupid emotions and self. Uhm. My deck kicked ass at tourney. Got bored of stuff. Almost current on shaman king. Anna is badass...going to marions. Yeh, that is a bad paragraph of everything.

What is wrong with me...why am i feeling like this...

I am losing all sense. Everything i see and feel. It is darkening. I hate all of this. Everything... people...life...everything....

it seems as if everything fro the world is going to hell...

like three groups of friends have broken up, everything is falling apart, something is not settling right, life has been good too long...and today was wierd. And i have been feeling annoyed with everything the past two days... People, friends, dating, not dating, lust, romance, myself, hell, anything that is not final fantasy xD God...I am falling to hell. Ugh. *breathes* Oh well. Time is the guiding force of all that there is. I am not but a wary traveler of its ship...

Fuckign epic.

The seniors dropped 2000 bouncy balls dropped around the stairs. I missed it. But i got some in the end. Got 8. Day in general fun. Not much else to say.

Lazeh lazeh

Biggest news of day: In FFXIII there is a black gunner with afro named Sazh. Oddest thing? Not his name. He has a baby chocobo living in his hair. Wierd

XIII looks epic so far.

Need to do social studies.

helping laura with her spanish since she does not have powerpoint.

Felt good today. Body thanked me fro eating this morning.

Got fifteen bucks lunch money. Up to about 70 dollars now. 3 gold packs. Yay.

Sad that infamous is PS3 only.

Forgot book. Damn.

Beat polar-douches level. Sweet.

Uhm. Uhm. I have found the quickest way to a girls heart is her Spanish project she needs desperatly to finish to exempt the exam xD

I realized an email from Laura yelling thank you and i love you for helping her if just shown to someone can be taken wrong way, lulz.

Is bored.

Hmm. I talked with liz for a while about how my grade sucks. And we agree maria is really over the top. And I realize now that Maria is way to clingy of that evan guy she has a crush on. Apparently he told her not to talk to his partners about getting him out of his spanish project, because he had to skip a practice to do it since it is due friday (in his class i am). She ignored him and did it annoying him. Then was like yelling at the guy the next day for making him miss it to do the spanish. Liz saw it and wanted to slap her...I would have >.<

And i realized something when talking to liz. I rarely see maria eat. She does, but not a good healthy amount to support herself. And she is always shaking. Those things usually mean someone is either purposfully starving themnselves, or for some reason not eating enough. And Maria talks about how overweight she is all the time. (Which is stupid, she is barely overweight, and give it two or three more years she will get a growth spurt or such and even out. Since it is mostly from beign short) I suspect a bit that maria may make sure not to eat enough...or something along those lines. I could be wrong...but she could be starting somethign, it makes sense...i will have to watch...

And here i am actually worrying about the girl bitching me out, insulting me, and being a douche towards me all the time... wow. I really suck at hating people. -_-

bored.

Half the day was out of it, reading Pendragon, when i read i start to just slip away from people. Oh well.

Cheered up latter half, talked to people.

Benjamin is sad and it makes me sad. He does not fit being sad T_T Poor ben

Oh yes. had another dresden dreams. Mind invading warlock took over party...it was wierd

and i got no sleep, spent half the night (okay till 11) talking to shini and Emily xD soemthing changed between shini and I. We get along well though... Haha. We got a lot closer through our talk. And we are quite a bit alike...

Damnit laura! Stop untigging my locker! RAWR!

Merph. Laura. I shall get you. always unrigging me locker. *hides psp from laura*

Well. Got psp back,was gonna let someone continue to borrow but they unrigged locker!

Had a dream last night about lasciel in almost same circumstances as dresden...too much i have read.

Finished book 8.

Oddly happy.

halfway through pendragon 10. Got it saturday.

Ben got dumped. Poor him. I deserve bad luck not him and Tay...so why do i get good relationships O.o...Karma is odd...

Uhm. Need to save up fro gold pakcs.

WC09 was sold out...

got blackwings...

nothing else really.

Since alex said to.

HI alex. A shoutout thingy~ xD *is bored*

uuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhh

Well. Today was fun and crap. On the good, Maranda fucked with mike in a hilarious flirting thing. Add in her drama from acting and such, epic lulz insues.

Uhm, farther in dresden.

But lets see. In math he gave us a quiz. Which had shit i didn't know how to do. He did not teach. STuff that was damn near impossible to do by hand, and all sorts of crap. And guess what, because a few douches destroyed calculators, the rest of use where banhammered. That quiz got an F. There goes my grade.

Ugh. I am also recording spanish stuff today. I want it done. Then i am anxiously going to await mom getting home. Get new book. Black Cat 20. And A new yugioh game... Ugh, and my lack of eating is getting to me, feel awful...

I really need to blog.

Not because of anything from yesterday, troubles, or anything like that. I will blog bout that mind you. But because i am really out of it today, reading too much dresden, unable to think, feeling almost slurred and in a stupor.

And laura Sooy really noticed it, kept commenting on how i seem off and she hoped i felt better. Haha, she was quite worried, makes me smile. Guess bits of past can be recovered.

And us boys are down a point. I talked to taylor. And he has no idea what the hell i was talking about. Said he never said that, only heard it once, and it was not me. Adn has not really thought of it since. Then we thought about it, and aside from our usually insults, most of the stuff i have said, actually, most all of it, was kind or helpful. I have wished him luck on his, hoped it gets far, hope he gets action, and does not end up hurt. And the only real advice thusfar i have given him is to not do big gifts, and honestly, all of that was cause i like Tay, and he is a good friend. I really do want all that. And if anything there is bad...well, then maria is being just as horrible as me >.< since she has so far done all that. Then stuff that is typically frowned upon such as hitching along on dates she has done.

But in conclusion. Me and him are both confused as hell. And, i hope he or soemone else can diffuse tensions between me adn maria. Cause it is taking a lot of patience and such to resist bursting on her. If i try to even talk seh interrupts me. Adn if i try to explain something her response is "I am not gonna sit here and be bitched out" It is annoying. She did that on tuesday too. She was saying how tay should room with her, I was then suggesting her room with me, and was going to say have the other females like whit and emily and molly and whoelse and what not room with her. Then i take tay and mike and ben. But it went basically:

"tay you should room with us"
"If my parents can go he can room with me and we..."
"No i want him with us so we can split the cost mroe."
"I know but if he rooms with me we"
*repeat twice or thrice mroe.*
"listen, if tay rooms with me..."
"Screw this. I am not gonna stand here and get btiched out"

This has happened like 5 times. I have been said to bitch her out for anything. and she is having much fun turning everything about taylor and laura to an insult about me and laura from past.

and that is also annoying. People getting on my case about them. Damnit, seriously. I. Don't. Care. That. They. Are. Dating. Whoever is reading this, if you think i am jealous to a bad degree, beyond me and tay (and male kinds) jealous because they have it and we don't jealousy, think again. If you think i am trying to sabotage it, then so is maria. And i would kinda think so are they. Because i bet they wish they will stay together, and taylor wants to get some action, and guess what, that is all i have said >.< Really. Why am i the bad guy for this. I want tay to be happy, he is probably my best friend. Tad above scotty and bren, mainly since bren aint here and i barely see scott.

And when i think about it. Yesterdays experience was...off. I mean the whole event. Laura usually would have been relativly calm about it, she would have asked, and when i said i did not do anything, adn if i did i did not mean to, she would have said "okay" and such, and that would have been it. But she seemed angrier than usual, i mean like anger i have seen only once or twice. She seemed protective and worried, and then took small shots at me for no reason. And told me not to be a douche to him...she never acts liek that. So either she is really really fallen bad for tay. Which i actually would like, it brings a small smile, since i do like them, htey fit. Adn it would mean she is going and feeling a little mroe and showing it. Now the other idea i don't like. It could mean something else was wrong. She has done that kinda thing to me before when other parts of life where wrong for her. And i bet i have done it to her. We both do it at times without realizing because of how alike we can be >.< I really hope it is the former.

Or i could be over looking this, or it could have been hormones, or something i did not think of.

And the saddest thing here. I really debated on countering her douche comment with "Don't hurt him" cause honestly. He is getting too much of a short end of the stick. And i was dumped once, felt really big once, and it hurt like hell. He has been dumped way mroe than me. And he seems to feel a lot more than me, hell he does. Specially since i try to kill my feelings. But damnit, i want him to get a win. And i don't want him hurt again. And i swear to god this better not be another something she just does and regrets, she has practically said, adn literally said that dating scott jarret, adn dating taylor the first time where mistakes and seemed to regret it. She says she doesn't regret us, but i dunno. And i don't want to see tay as a mistake again, he damn well deserves not to be.

But overall i am happy. Got a good relationship, enjoying all my friends, getting a good new friendship with kim. Rekindling old one with Sooy, my deck is looking good and got Killers AIM, i want my phone back though, miss talking to the 8thys.

And i worry about my psp, i lent laura it. That could end badly. Laura, if your reading this, please, Be careful with her, i do so love her. And also, watch maria, she tried to assasinate her before! Don't let her succede! and also, if it dies you can use your bros charger~ I think~ It should work, dunno if you can get it from him. But if you can you can use that.

And also, i just thought of something. Maybe the reason she acted strange was a sorta rebelliousness in all people. The natural anger and rebelliousness we get when authority is challenged or we are bullied, or something. And i seemed to have threatened that which was her, causing a less sensible anger. Kinda like the jealousy i had when Zach had hit her... Hmm. Which makes sense. I mean the whole villian kinda thing is something i have seen a lot. And used. I mean i acted as the "villian" to make it seem as if all of taylor and whoras relationship was doomed, and that is how i got her to give him another month. Wow. Playing a villian is effective, screws you over, but i realize i have done that a few times, it works. hmm. I wonder what did happen though...me and tay be confused xD

And also. I think i have had like 2 or 3 more dreams about dresden this last week. Not to good xD And i had a dream where whitney like stole me and emily got jealous or mad, and had not wanted to give me up, and sadly i think there was something about oaths and promises (Dresden-esque) in there. But... Knowing me this dream ended with some form of yuri, that i would be involved in xD But yeh. I am on book 8 of 8 of dresden. out of 11. I skipped half of the first, but still. And i started re-reading like a week and a half ago. And waited 2 days for 7. And finished 7 in one day. Not cool xD

and new yugioh game next week. And i need new Pendragon, series finale. Yay.

Urgh, feel crappy, but ish a bit happy.

Well, apparently when me nad taylor talked at one of many times, i somehow made him think his relationship was pity. Probably he took it like that when i had told him that i was initially told that the thing was to fuck with with him, and complaining because maria bitched me out for asking if it was real and took a shot at me. And laura made me feel like shit after confronting me, some stuff i deserved, some i didn't. Specially just on me nad taylors small insults, those never hold any value. I mean hell, we could be having sex with a girlfriend right in front of the other, and we would still insult manhood, while saying they would never get any action, but giving them a thumbs up xD But the part that annoys me most, is somehow i hurt him for real, i mean i do actually try to help with relationships and i want him to last, get action, etc. So it makes me feel horrible i hurt him. I mean if he took one of my small insults personally, it would be fine, i could let him know i was kidding, and it wouldn't matter, hell between us our insults have no validity. He insults my manhood, i insult his. He insults my relationship, i his, gender, orientation, etc. it is nothing. Damnit. I feel really shitty now. I will have to talk to him, figure out waht happened. But now Laura seems pissed at me, he will probably have a lingering doubt, i will still feel like a real douche, and oh dear lord, Maria will totally take advantage of this to find some way to make even more shots at me. As seems to be her new hobby...since anything i say or do is bitching, and i am totally out to destroy the relationship...explains why i always give tay advice...god. Need to do portfolio... I hate this all...

But i got Killers AIM, he whupped my ass in duels, xD it was fun as hell.

And lets see, i am grounded from everything due to missings. But i got almost everything caught up. So meh. Need to do portfolio.

uhm. Recap.

Had a dresden and digimon dream saturday. went to bens. Hung out. Everyone held me down and sharpied me. THE SHARPIE IS STUCK IN MY DAMNED PORES! Just wanted to say. Uhm. Had the most epic fucking kill in air ride. Molly had gotten 2/3 hydra (the machine that is always a 1hko) and i killed her, took the pieces. Later she found the third, and before she grabbed it i took it. Completed the machine and chased after her. she went on the rails, and i was about to hit her, then jessica nailed her like split second and killed her, then right after i hit jess and killed her. Emily was already dead (i think she killed herself) but either way was so fucking brilliant.

Uhm. Tay slept over, tehn it was a dul mothers day.

And Taylor, Laura, and Ria are obsessed with my katamari. That is all.

Okay, i need to really stop reading dresden, and getting hurt, xD

signs i have been reading to much dresden. way to much:

1. i dreamt about the blackened denarians last night. Cept tehir sigils and coins where trapped in weapons, but still the blackened denarians.

2. I recently dreamt about Queen Mab and the unseelie.

3. I have gotten irrationally jealous of random people today, reciting exact lines Dresden did in book six to himself. Guess when, if you think "after you read that" then your correct.

4. I am using Hells bells as a curse in my head. Yeh. Not good.

5 I am getting hurt all the time today!

Times hurt:

Taylor punchd and kicked for bookchecking.

I got hit on the elbow by scott slamming his locker on me.

kicked and hit a few times by laura.

sarah hit a few times.

random injurys.

Hmm. Today has gone good again. Besides irrational jealousy. Not cool xD Didn't affect me at all outside though xD

And i would like to say. Heart Gold. Soul Silver. Gold and Silver remakes. Fucking brilliant. *only thing me nad bren will talk of nowadays*

Uhm. Finished dresden six and got to wait for all the rest. So good there. Hopefully my mind will fix a bit.

I still need to catch up, hells bells you get work when you don't do work. xD

Uhm. Nothing else really.

Continuing my odd string of good fortune

I have been enjoying halo, and not failing 100% (though not being great, brandon not great with FPS's)

I have been sleeping great. Be i talk to someone before bed or not. I have had amazing deep sleeps that aren't me waking up continuously or waking up in cold frights from terrors.

I am talking ot and enjoying all friends. Laura, taryn, nick, mike, even logan and chase now. It is wierd... Closest to issue is with Maria, who has been annoying me more than usual for some reason...dunno why. And still has my damn FFX guide...even though she says she gave it back last time i asked for it, but never did bring it. Rrrgh. I need that. And she stole my haruhi novel, mmrph. Theif. xD

And uhm. I have almost finished dresden 6. And i have been a tad paranoid. Hehe. Yay being dresden like.

Wierd...

Lately inhabitiations are gone...those things that keep me a bit wuiter around friends and less melodramatic mroe oft than not, gone, and all those stupid little things that keeps me from joking and talking to all the people not in the group are gone.

And i have just been...happy. I mean, i have all these pessimistic thoughts, all these "it should be me" "What if" "If i hadn't said that" "If i where them" thoughts, but unlike before they just have no effect. I don't feel like that. I just feel this simplistic serenity and joy...strange, good, but strange.

And my confusion...its just absent. I still for the life of me could not say I do or do not think killing is wrong or something like that. But it is not gnawing at me, and making me feel like a strange intruder in this world.

And that is another thing, i just don't feel akward and intrusive with everything. I use to have that a lot. But now...i don't. I feel fine and as if i should be where i am. Instead of feeling like a foreing invader, even where i am welcome.

Heh. I hope this don't end, or i get an equally satisfying hatred if it does.

Also, i am playing Halo now. It is fun. So yeh. Grenades FTW.

Wait, whut, this is 83 posts...dayum.

Okay, i got a lto of posts here now... Hmm. Quick summary: Day kinda sucked, but in fail-that-i-don't-care-way. A few bad pieces of shit here and there. Oh well. I hate having school. xD I have been unable to remember anything i have done or felt, when alone i am just gone...Only got yugioh and games there. No romance, lust, embarrassment, or anything. Uhm. Mom was sick so she called me and bro in sick. It ruled~ Got wifi for 360~

And i just realized, well have realized, forgotten, and realized again, not long after i said it was a change in the year, spring time, yadda yadda and i will change with it. I asked out Emily, now everyone else is starting to go out. Taylor hain and Jessica Lucas, Keene and Laura G., Whit and Ben, Alex and Bren, Sarah and Chase, and so on and so forth....either i started a trend, or i did a prediction....Ho....shit....am i clairavoyant...wait...oh damn....i made like 9001 end of the world predictions....Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

In other news I got awesome deals at tourney. We got five packs for 20 bucks, and made a deck to duel with out of them. Well. I pulled a few blackwing cards. And Blackwings are big. I traded a common for an ultra. A super for Solemn Judgement, which is like OMGH4X awesome and really rare and expensive. while the card i traded will go down. Then a crappy ultra fro a Rai Oh, anothether awesome card.

So i traded a dollar for 15, 25 for 35, and 5 for 15-20. Good deal if i do say so~ and I got a solemn~~~~~~~~~~~ *is outragously happy about that*

hmmm not much

Lets see, going fine. Was fun, uhm, talking to everyone, though me nad laura have seemed to be on odd terms recently and just aren't as friendly as we use to be, oh well. Uhm. Still kinda lost lust and romance influences, seriously, it is wierd...Especially since I should have been going and reeling back at Regina the past few days, i mean damn, she has been looking killer...yet my penor seems to not care...wierd....and...uhm....oh....I still can't taste much...uhm, TOURNEY TOMMOROW! YAY!