God. Odd. Two years...

Lately i have been reminiscing nad thinking about the past. I dunno why. But i have changed so much. I have become less hurtful, violent, and emo. Less of just spurting out comments, insults, perversion. I have stopped thinking how so many things are pointless, and i have learned so much. God, two years and some change ago i could not wrap my head around the idea of dating. I was super anti touchey. And nothing seemed purposeful. I could not see why people took something small so deeply, how so many little things could harm people. Hell. I couldn't feel more than small compassion for people, even then i could not care a tiny bit if i lost friends, it just was nothing.

Now, god. I am head over heels in love with Emily, and all those stupid and pointless things mean the world to me. I love many of my friends to a degree that makes it painful for me to know they hurt. Hell. I love my daughter whitney more than most anything else, and i love alex in so many different ways.

Hell I am friends with those two. Two or three years ago i barely knew or care for half these people. Now i am friends with laura, dating Emily, closer to alex than i have been with half my old friends, hell, whit, jess, claire, tay, almost all my current friends cept ben i never really talked to or cared about that much. And Scott, bren, Clint. Well. Actually me and scott still talk a lot, and we are close, this is just a lucky miracle. Bren and Clint barely care anymore. Clint not at all.

And i finally got past caring about them. Stopped following that stupid urge to always say anything, anything at all, and just try and rekindle teh lost friendship. Heh. Well, with clint, still trying with bren. Guess losin him still is a bitch. But i have lost a lot of caring for him. And soon he will just be another friend of past, he will be Raj, he will Corey. He will just be a memory.

And i started talking to Kelsey again, dear god, That in itself is amazing and makes me overjoyed. God i love Kelsey. I am glad i tried to rekindle that one.

Heh. Though a slightly ironic thing is, a lot of my beliefs, and my feelings, and learning to care came from Scrubs, Vampire Chronicles, Atlas Shrugged, and other such things. Those things hitting me close and breaking a bit of my hardassness, then letting friends destroy the rest. Odd.

And i been having fucked up dreams. And i really have no fucking idea what my mind is thinking. I mean this dream had emily having a slumber party, at my house. With like ten people. Then i woke up and fell asleep (now gonna be refered to as Wu/Fa) and like i was in the bathroom, then some girl i have seen randomly around school and don't know, care for, or typically think of came in with only bra and panties and tried to screw me, then like ben came in back way, me and her ditched to not be caught and i took a nap...wu/fa and then i am doing random shit, talking to em and other people, wu/fa and i have a digimon. It gets hurt, i am upset, it says to use digivice to revive and more powerful, it digi-rebirths into its next form, then we repeat. then it becomes a sword-optimus prime. Then i go to bro's room. and Emily Balaz i think was there, and she has megatron, i know that out, then push her against a wall with Optimuys prime sword, and some random sword, she then hits on me, and tries to get in my pants. Then i wake up and am like "What the fuck...and why not the hot girls i know and like?"

And 2 days ago there was a dream of these two guys and scientists. One transformed into a super large staff, and when the other touched it he became a huge screwed up lady, called "Giant fucked up lady" And they had to fight a stone abraham lincoln that came to life and was going to take over and become president again...

So i think that not texting into the night till i fall asleep makes me dream, and then wake up from them, and be unable to sleep. Whereas texting till tired makes me stay up later, but sleep better...Odd.

And oh. Funny. Paco was flicking me off for lulz but a teacher saw him and he got a detention. It was stupid. But funny.