Heh, god, why am i feeling so jealous and angry about romance today.god damn, I just feel so pissed...

I guess...I dunno. I have become so cynica, what happened to thinking half of the ones would easily last a while? Now you think half the relationships you see are idiotic, rushed, doomed to end, or other stuff, but hey, cynical you eh?

And the ones you know can easily last, you either think they dont deserve the girl, or will hurt her (Hypocricy at best eh?) or you wish beyond measure that you had that girl. And no, it is not the ones you guys think, well, maybe some of you guys could guess. But not the ones you think i mean, not anyone i have had issues with in last year.

Heh, guess im just a cynic. A jealous idiotic cynic...who doesnt want a girl yet feels like this.

God, what the hell is wrong with you, could you be any worse of a person right now.

And maybe you should stop talking to yourself.

Oh, and how is that simple buisiness of just saying "hi' goin eh? and dont give me your bs of how, at least to you, a smile and laughing at a mutual friend meant something, god. Nut up. Say it. Stop being so weak.

Dammit. You really can be pathetic. So pathetic. I dont get why you are so angered by some of the relationships. It is quite sad. You have no right to judge, and you cant condemn someone to your morals, just because you are too strict and idioticly slow and meticulous about it doesnt mean everyone should be...get off your high horse man...

Or at least continue what you are doing. Say nothing.

God. Just...Man, stop killing yourself like this, it may not be obvious even to you, but you just are comparing and relating any and every little damn thing, it is not something so easily logiced out, you cant make a flow, or data repersentation, you cant find the right response and everything, its not that damn simple, too many variables.

And honestly....Go talk to someone. You really need to, but yet, you dont trust anyone anymore do you? Wait, no, that is wrong. You still do, that is obvious...You dont trust yourself. You dont trust yourself not to mess something up, say the wrong thing, to hurt them, hurt someone, ruin someone, and so you alienate others or alienate yourself in fear.

You've become so quiet. God, that is why you are unable to just make that single step. Hell, it is not even her you are suffering solely with. When was the last time you tried to have any real, meaningful conversation and really started it, Kasha, right? And you dont trust her much, you guys are so close, but you can never confide in her...What the hell is wrong with you?

What are you afraid of? You'll hurt her, or him, or them, well. Alex, Emily, and all these others seem to know oyu may, and seem to know they may hurt you, yet keep trying, and want you to try more. Why cant you?

Fear is reasonable, but you are being paralyzed by it. You gotta grow up.

Nut up or shut up.