Ugh, why act on autopilot body.

Ugh. Why can i not stop. I know those friendships, the relationships, everything, i know they are gone and done. I know its pointless to try and recover them, yet when i talk to them i make a fool of myself, try to act as if nothin is wrong, try to make jokes and fix it, and i feel like a crowbegotten fool. The past is done, i give up on it, but when they, any of them, come around i grope at the old past, i hope for the lie i know is one, why, why can i not severe the bonds. God damnit i use to be able to forget and give up things so perfectly. Ugh, i really have let myself become weak, that this gets to me so bad, that it can happen. But it won't destroy me, i will break it, i will grow from it.