musings

I like these one word titles, seem cooler to me. Do they seem cooler to you reader-I-hope-doesnt-exist?

Ive been thinking about friends a lot recently, it is all very strange, this last month has turned everything around.

I dont know where I stand with Emily now.

I became best friends with Molly now.

I ended a perfectly great friendship with Rachel, whom i enjoyed a ton, out of respect for someone I think still hates me.

I finally severed ties to Tay, who was one of my closest friends for years.

And I have realized just how insanely much I care about Alex. It is scary, in a way. I really do love her. I mean, I thought leaving her would be easier...but it was impossibly hard. I was practically in tears, I didnt want to let her go, and I had become so accustomed to her in 5 days. Her being there with me was natural, normal,needed. And leaving almost brought me to tears.

Heh, then again, she was last person to bring me to tears in a good way back when she got me that birthday gift.

How do Shawn and Bunny/ Alex and Zach handle parting...Me and Alex are just friends (well, even if we act like mroe than that) and it killed me so much to leave her.

And it is so strange, here I am, visitng a girl for a few hundred dollars, someone I have met less times than fingers-on-a-hand. Someone who I trust fully, consider my best friend, and unconditionally love. Someone I didnt meet until two years later, and didnt see for another two years. Yet she is so naturally part of my life.

How the hell did all this happen?

Would it have happened if not for simple little events? What if I decided not to add her on aim, or not to join that roleplay.

All those little decisions add up.

It is amazing.

But back to musings on friends...

Alex is probably my closest. Hell, I can tell her most everything, for me that is a rare accomplishment. I have so many trust issues.

Then there is Molly, who I became way too close to so short a time, and love it. She is only other person I can tell most everything to , and a few other sexy things for her. Cause dammit molly has a fun life and gets me.

Shawn is by far the best bro I got, I cant even understand how lucky I am to have met him. I can confide, trust, and get help from him on so much. I love that guy.

Ben is still my longest and one of the best bros ever.

Cam...Im not as close to him as I would like. But I love that guy so much. He is grand.

Laura too.

Blaine and Will are two of the people I trust the most. And rest of bitchifiers...

Hess too, even if she makes me go insane.

But man, I was so certain about so many people. Now only half a dozen that live here. Hell, if even that. Jess, Shawn, ben, Jenni, laura...maybe emily ... are friends I enjoy actually seeing.

The rest live in different states or countries. Well, Zach lives in Cincy.

But man, everything is changing so fast, and i dont know how to handle it.

It is kinda scary.

God, I need to learn to drive, three months till september. I wanna visit molly and meet up with Alex so bad...

Then they will hopefully be here for ohayocon...That will be a grand birthday gift.

Man, life is turning upside down.