Well, yeh...more about romance basically XD

I noticed something, well, decided to comment on something. I realized a while ago I have a strange skill to capture something in my mind, you know, those situations where time seems to slow, or it is a picturesque moment. I can see a moment relativly clearly in my head, and remember many details, to an almost distubing way. I remember when I did that with Eli and Morgan, I mean I could see past the outside situation, I can see how they felt, underline ideas, everything. I could tell their feelings, and absense of thought, I could see Romance and Lust mixing, clashing, and singing as they danced and fought. I could tell that if they had been alone, or it was somewhere else or at another time, she would have put her arms around his neck, pulled in, and deepen, lengthn and intensify the kiss. Sure it may just be how it would be in a movie, but I could see where the idea starts, and how much was in the kiss.

Then I had it happen today, no more than, say thirty to fourty minutes ago, with Laura. I wanted a kiss but doubted getting one, so I took a few things of hers, and led her to this Niche between the stairs near the lunch room, where we have kissed and hugged multiple, mainly from bribes, and will probably hold a few memories of its own. But I haggled with her and she agreed to a hug, two kisses, and a kiss on the cheek. So she stepped foward and I felt her close to me, not rubbing all over close, but about say three inches, her hands rested on my shoulders as mine rested on the sides of her stomach, and she leaned to the right (my right) and leaned quickly in and gave me two small pecks, and then for the cheek rested her head over my shoulder, her cheek against mine, not really a kiss, but a big hug with out the arms all around. And I had my eyes open for only a tiny bit, or if I am going insane not at all, and I felt my hands on her waist, I saw a deep want (and not just paying off a bribe) that was romantic yet lustual, that would have been like the first kisses in those sex scenes, except this one if we where alone it would have ended up with us just making out, nad holding each other close. I saw only her head, I felt her want, I could tell that even though she refused to do 3 kisses, and acted as if she didn't want it, that if the time and place where different she would not have anything else. Then her "kiss" on the cheek, I could feel that she would have just stood there in my arms for ages, and through it all I could feel a want, a caring, some lust, adoration, so much. All beautiful, the story it all told was beautiful and fluid, all natural and simple.

Then, I realized why it seemed familiar, there where a few other moments like it. I remember that the almost exact thing happened in our first (well, actually, second, but first non-dare) kiss in teh woods last year, my hands where on her waist, her hands on my shoulders, I had the feeling, i felt a connection (yes, I know, illogical, but are hormones and emotions that logical?) and was over taken by the intense amount of difference I felt in that small half a second kiss compared to any with Jess. And then when I really started flirting with Laura, and she hugged me before I left to the bus, and I pulled her tighter and longer, I felt her hug back, and even though she did her cute little laugh, and gave me a look asking what that was, I know she liked it. And then last week when I convinced her to give me a Real Hug and Kiss, I felt the same affection, yes affection, great word, in that. And honestly through it all I feel that me and her, as much as I doubt, could be in love already with out either of us accepting, believing, or knowing it.

Those are the kisses I like, the ones that I live for, and made it so that I find kissing more appealing than other sexual acts. The ones that make it seem as if to just us there is no one else in the world, just us, not the ritualistic ones, or the small quick ones to have a brief spurt of emotion.

And god, she is changing me so much, not for the worse, but it is strange, and it makes me laugh. I always wrote about big events, usually romances, opening up characters and changing them, allowingthem to feel and think more clearly. And that is what happened with me, I can feel and think in a more romantic sense. I lost lust, and I just see a stranger beauty in life. And am having those picture like moments so much more often. And I am feeling overall kind and losing my horrible person like qualities and turning more kind. And people in my stories and thoughts, those I make up, they are becoming more realistic, and then faces are more prominent and visible in my mind. Mainly Laura's.

I can easily picture her, he brown hair let down, laying gently below her shoulders as small ripples make it seem a bit curled, never fully straight, and her beautiful brown eyes, small pink lips, her simple small nose, and then I can easily see her laughing. When she scrunches up her face a bit, her eyes squint as her mouth pulls back and she laughs, and he head shakes a tiny bit. It is hilarious and cute. And I can see her amazing body, where it is not Lindsey Lohan skinny, or anorexic skinny, but a natural skinny, with an amazing ass and her breasts aren't "AH, ATTACK OF THE GIANTS!" huge or,"Hold on, need a microscope" small, they are just a perfect size, and yes that is a bit (well actually quite a lot) perverse to comment on her ass and Breasts like that, but I still have hormones and bits of lust, and I am head over heels for her. So shuddup.

P.A.-

Laura S.- My new subject is the only one I get any interaction with nowadays. Haha. Not much I can report, but when we where both checking grades she asked me a useless question, even though I suspect she already knew, and gave me a quick glance and smile, so I believe my suspicions about her wanting to reconnect with me might prove to be true.

Nick- Holy damn, he is changing. Today, at miniscule things he was smiling, and laughing, flirting minutely with Taryn, and making small comments, which for him where like thirty minute conversations. Big breakthrough. Showing evident joy and happiness.