Get. The. Fuck. Over. Yourself. God dammit what the fuck is your problem. God. How can you even think you deserve to think about any shit like this, how can you think you deserve to ride such a fucking pity train. Your friends are going through such horrible things and you are complaining so much. Except to no one but your fucking voices. God. You know, your friends would probably be comforted if you actually freaking talked to them, but no, god, do you even trust them anymore? Cause i don't think you do. Actually, no, you dont trust yourself. Or is it worse than that? I think it is...you are no longer thinking people are or where ashamed of you, hell, you are doing it for them and are ashamed of yourself.

God. You know, maybe if you fucking listened to advice, listened to what laura said (thereby avoiding half the fucking problems you've had) or what your dad has said you would have no issues. I mean. Dear lord, if you learned moderation like your dad said you'd be better off. But no, you will fucking obsess over something to the point it irks everyone, you included. Or you try so overly hard rather than small, gradual, and good. Or you do the opposite and do too little. It is always one extreme or the other. You fucking obsess about one person for two weeks, or game, or anything, nad hurt, exclude, or ignore those you care about. God. Hell, if you moderated on all of this you'd be so much better off.

But no. You cant fucking get control. Cant follow Laura's advice. Or Dad's. Or even your own fucking advice. Maybe if you did you would not be feeling empty and shallow, you'd still have some of that confidence you had, maybe you would not spend and hour or two hating yourself, belittling yourself, dying from guilt, trying to punish yourself in some way for penance, maybe you would be willing to try and associate with new people more, or even with your friends, or even text more, rather than going on a self imposed exile to try and punish yourself. But no, you fucking cant even moderate that and are taking this shit to the extremes.

Hell. You cant even control your fucking mood now. Hell, monday Christine gave you advice, no insult, no trying to threaten your job, no anything, just telling you that you made a tiny mistake and to watch for it. And it ruined your mood, you made yourself feel like shit, and all that. God. And so you messed up this math test, you get another chance, and you can fucking fix it.

If you freaking try to figure stuff out. Dont do this "there is a problem, run away" and ignore it, letting it grow so you can have 5 minutes of happiness before ages of sadness. (hey asshole, seeing a fucking correlation yet?) Just confront it, try to fix it, accept it, grow up, move on.

Stop being a pussy, hell you have everyone here for you, but as usual you are falling back to that same habit you promised, swore, and said you could and would change. You are pushing them awayy, hoping someone will ask what is wrong and try and get help. But you know, even if they do, you are just gonna lie and push them away.

God. You are so pathetic. You swore all these things to fix yourself. So you would not still be guilty, so you would not have to be vainly wishing you could have a second chance you dont deserve, so you could be a fucking person you should have fucking been. And all you can do is let a few issues today ruin your mood more? So one fucking week was lousy.

But you know, even though this con had mostly good memories, you'll focus on the bad, then forget how the bad became one of the best things ever, and something you should have done way earlier. Instead you will twist the good, and instead of cherishing them as something you had, you will quell over them as something you lost, looking back with sadness instead of joy. God. How pathetic are you.

Heh. You could have so much, do so much, be so much, but you wont really try. God. How much of this con are you just gonna spend hiding in the card room? Oh wait, friends will be there so you will probably impose exile some random spot, sitting alone playing a game or something, until you have to return, then lie about everything so it seems like you where not moping and wasting time there. God.

You know. I honestly feel so sorry for you, instead of taking example from friends, or from examples you give friends, you are just there to be the general worse. And you could have honestly had great relationships that could have lasted, all of your last few. But no. You fucked them up and friendships.

And now, what is worse, you have fucked up yourself. You know. You may have repaired the friendship with laura, but i doubt you can fix what you have done now. Especially with yourself. I don't know how you plan to pick up the pieces, or if you deserve to