random musings

You know, I caer, honestly, I still care. Yet from that i care about myself that i feel if i let myself care for others i will hurt them...or hurt myself. So i try to push them away like i have been, god, half my relationships, nah, most all, have gone to hell now.

And it kills. Not like I said it wouldnt. Damn. Hell, if for christmas i could get the summer before last back, i'd take it in an instant...Actually. No. I would still be horrible, at least now i am doing something good. Trying to better myself...Sorta...

But you know, isnt this kinda an obvious thing? I mean, all the years i hated on clint, or scott, or tay, or anyone who let me down or threw me away...Well how muhc of it was truly me longing nad wanting for them.

Guess i am still doing that.

But you know. Even if i just want a second chance with everyone for christmas (though i guess it is higher) I need to realize that i am way past the ability to get those. Man up and accept consequences of my actions.

But I really need to cheer up, life is going good, right?

Though i have been finding that i am breaking out to random fits where i am just more angry than usual, unlike where i use to get depressed and anti social...Just really fucking pissed.

Also anyone who decides to work in retail, dont start round the holidays.

Yugioh has absorbed all parts of my paychecks that i have kept for myself so far? How sad is that?

Me and ben want to do a Reaper- Neku cosplay xDDDD

Man, i kinda miss this...

Oh, i guess i spent money on Mi Esposa's gift. (Oops, apostraphe in spanish, mrs. young would kill me)

RAIN~ Off to dance in it!