DEliberation acceleration what the hell am i thinking in this nation? Guess Im to the point where i was knocked down in my mind after trying and it seems to be killing my urge of what i want to try, but i still want to? Even if i cant get anyone to talk to me for more than fifteen minutes. And I cant fix what i hoped and thought i could? Or did i throw the die at the wrong time? Man mind is in shambles, just in rambles, lets see where this leads that I am rhyming and hope this is not a crime in my mind? Eh? A month or two, what will I do. God, this cant make sense, but typing, writing, leaving what i had and what i need to become, to find, to be...I need that. So streetlight manifesto is pretty damn good, why did it take me so long to beat back those damn insecurity and listen to it?

God what am i doing? Who really cares, what is worth it. You know, I think I really need to ask myself, in all honesty, who would i keep in contact with after high school...

My mom brought up a good point, damn i hate when she is astute, I keep people away. I am like clint in that...except he, well dammit, he never fucking lets people get close to him, and i know truthfully he doesnt care about me, friendship is a farce with him i have been playing on old fun and past nostalgia. Truthfully i know he barely cares about people, it was obvious when he could leave us all, me included, and not have any issue. Me and Tay have both noticed it...

But god, he keeps everyone out...I dont do that badly do i? Who am I kidding, god, wasnt that something that was an issue for you with both emily and laura, hell even alex and others, "God I want to help but you never tell me what is wrong" havent they all said that?

What is wrong, why can I not lean on people. I tell people to trust me, lean on me, I need that...But I cant do the same, hypocritical eh?

Yet here i am eh.

Guess nothing to do but try. Carpe diem, go with the flow.

Lets see what happens.