"sorrow brings laughter, happiness tears"

Why am i so angry...so upset right now...I finally have things going in some controlled manner. Yet...god I still feel so useless and pained...

I am about to cry...

And i get one freaking bug or whatever so I feel sick and skip first day of driving school, which has no freaking impact or issue or anything, and can just be started tomorrow, and I feel like a disappointment and horrible person.

I feel like that in general...

Why is my everything so fucking shot?

I finally have some self confidence, and am trying to stick to my beliefs, or at least not just give up every single thing and take every issue. And turn so much as me mispronouncing a word into self loathing...

Yet i still feel bad.

I still am missing something...

I need a hug...I cant remember last time i really hugged someone...

but i dont want the stupid half assed kind...i want a real hug...

no i dont...

what is wrong with me...

Calm down and breathe...

Yet i still am letting anger get the best of me...

Wait, what the fucking hell, when did i let real anger come out of nothing, and not only that, but get the best of me? I rarely let that happen...now it feels like it happens all the time. I am really spiraling out of control.

And whatever is getting to me today is not helping. Splitting migrain and anger is bad...

like 4 for 4 on pissing off people with essentially snapping just cause head pain causes anger...

Oh, did i mention night terrors are coming now, and insomnia, because sleep is fucking over rated.

And it seems i still cant fix what i broke, and then i cant help the ones i want to help most, and am still seperate from everyone i was close to...

Honestly, the person ive talked to most is Ben Nyquist recently. And i only see him in school.

What am i doing?

You know I always saidd i thrive on chaos, and just went with the flow...but now that i am essentially at the mercy of others, and i am stuck in the flow with no escape...

Ugh, nad now this bug or whatever i have is hitting agian. Off to throw up...Fucking body...even you became weak, i never got sick and now i do >.<