Ugh. Fucking mind.

Okay. I have lost all urge to even talk to my blog or people bout my issues. They have just become...nothign to me. Everything is a blur because it seems so small and inconsequential in the long run. Pain, joy, sorrow, everything is fleeting. Life, wounds, all of it dissapears eventually.

And now...recently, i have been unable to control myself. I can't stop all this stuff i want to. It is like in Click. Where he was on autopilot. It all just feels like that. I don't want to annoy someone, i tell myself to stop, but my body does the action adn speaks the words without a single thought passing through my head. Yay for me sucking at this stuff.

And i keep saying the wrong things to people...I keep saying stuff i mean as jokes, or as a way to help...but then they seem to get angered or saddened, and i realize later how douchelike i sounded. Fuck this.

And I still can't for the life of me figure out what i think. I can't decide. Right and Wrong....still horribly foreign and impossible. Good and Bad.

And...I don't know. I am happy. But i have once again begun distancing myself. I talk to friends and such, but i just can't get as close as i once was, or was getting. Everyone i am distancing. Cept Bren, and scott. I can't distance from them even if i want.

And I think FFX is sending me a message. I was going into battle with an uber boss....and the game froze. I got owned before even battling xDDDD

Uhm. I want other books to arrive.

I am bit annoyed at how complex and irrational so much of life is. Why can't it be like math. If this is this, then this will be this. Not if this is this it usually is this but on some days it will be this with random addings of this. I wish everything was linear and easy. This is this so this will be this.

Though none of this matters. Haha. Really, it is arrogant of me to even begin to think that all of this is new. Scott, Emily, Laura, Bren, all sorts of people i know have displayed similiar issues. And i bet the rest of the teenage kind and maybe adults have. I am not unique in this. Its common. Haha. We are so simple yet so complex. Tsk. I wonder if human interaction could be put into a math problem....that would be a ton of variables 0.o

Oh. I totally wanna re-write Romeo and Juliet to be a family of pirates and ninja's. Eveyrone ally with me. I have Mike agreeing. Laura, Emily, Uhm...Whoever else reads this and can write, join me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh. And recently people (specially mom) have been annoying me. They all tell me to know barriers, boundries and all this shit, without telling or saying exactly. I get grounded, she says i have some stuff back, and if i go to far she syas i should have known. People do this to me all the time. But they change barriers constantly, adn expect me to still know them without telling me T_T

And also the amount of people claiming things are bad, wrong, or not possible because they don't like, understand, or care about it is astounding. Say you don't know bout evolution so you can't give it as much credit, fine. But say you don't understand how it can work, so it is not real...whut? If thats true then because of these rules all of these things are not real or wrong or bad: Politics, Cuba, people, philosophy questions if the world is even real, goverment, communism beyond very basic ideas, Capitalism beyond basic ideas, how america managed to get so powerful (Like all the factors, seriously, we came from no where), culture, most religion, why i don't have more rootbeer, how in a world so much about logic and sciences, and so against magick and phenomena out of the ordinary ideas of powerful deities exist but other such mythical creatures can't exist, how the hell easter got a bunny.

...Seriously. How did easter get a bunny as its mascot?!?!? "Okay, well, Jesus rose from the dead...and he had a soft beard i bet...you know. I bet it was really soft...like a bunny. DUDE! Lets make a bunny the symbol of easter. With chocolate. And Eggs! BEcause bunnies lay eggs! I think."

...seriously. Someone figure that out for me xD