Shit shit shit. Im looking back again, dwelling, regretting. Stop. Dammit.

No! I had a great day with shawn, we adventured and convertted Laura to the Gl.

Then...man. I had the time were I realized how amazing Ben was. He held back his feelings because of me. He wingmanned for me. And the only thing on his mind foremost was being a good friend. God. It was like Taylor and Emily. Except instead of feeling pissed and betrayed, I felt honored, trusted, kinship, friendship, like I had a bro that actually would be there...so I told him to ask her out. Hell. Even if she didn't realize it, for her she kept sticking herself out there...I had to tell him to. What kind of friend would I be to prevent it because of my feelings when he did so much for me?

And I felt happy. Free. Good.

And then I started letting go. Attempting to reach out to people in small ways...

So why am I looking back and torturing myself. Dammit Kasha why end up getting me to do this....

I wont falter...

Im working so much harder...need to do so much better...I wont falter dammit I wont