What to say to the truth...honestly. I have no damn idea. Frankly. You pegged it all and were right. And ya know. I don't know how to feel or what to say.

Bleh. So odd...at the moment why am I not devolving into my usual pattern...pretty true on how damn predictable I am. Hell I hate myself for it all the time which is part of said pattern.

Hmmm...but something is clicking today where I started driving fucking brilliantly...no fear...

How am I supposed to fear.

Funny. You keep a handleful close, then get upset when any number don't pay you attention (or whoever I crush on or am currently getting close to) after you did them, and generalize and hurt everyone...

You really do take everything for granted.

And man. She is right. Contradictions out the ass. What is worse is how little you get on how you feel. Or why you address this to yourself in second person.

But how do you feel about Emily? Love? Hate? Who the fuck knows. You switch between the two. And can't ever decide.

Then you just use everyone... funny you were used when you were proving your worst and most idiotic.


Man. Why do you feel so...odd now. Not happy. Not upset...weird. usually you'd be repulsed at yourself. It is there a bit... but man.

You are distancing yourself still. But funny. The few people that would help the most and you honestly still trust you either distance in a fear of how you might feel for them, or that they may actually still make you feel, hell, make you think, may help you.

Right now its so objective. Maybe cause im tired....or expected this.

Not even too excited bout Butcher coming back...wonder how that'll get to me later. Same thing as your first date with Emily...

Finefinefuckedupfangasmfine?

And now I am really tired. Actually I have been all day. Maybe being woken up early gives me driving skills.

Tonight's dreams will be interesting...

Subconscious will probably guilt trip me. And fuck almost fell asleep. Night