Lately inhabitiations are gone...those things that keep me a bit wuiter around friends and less melodramatic mroe oft than not, gone, and all those stupid little things that keeps me from joking and talking to all the people not in the group are gone.
And i have just been...happy. I mean, i have all these pessimistic thoughts, all these "it should be me" "What if" "If i hadn't said that" "If i where them" thoughts, but unlike before they just have no effect. I don't feel like that. I just feel this simplistic serenity and joy...strange, good, but strange.
And my confusion...its just absent. I still for the life of me could not say I do or do not think killing is wrong or something like that. But it is not gnawing at me, and making me feel like a strange intruder in this world.
And that is another thing, i just don't feel akward and intrusive with everything. I use to have that a lot. But now...i don't. I feel fine and as if i should be where i am. Instead of feeling like a foreing invader, even where i am welcome.
Heh. I hope this don't end, or i get an equally satisfying hatred if it does.
Also, i am playing Halo now. It is fun. So yeh. Grenades FTW.
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