God i love that song.
But it is kinda true. I guess i just am fearing so much, and for some reason even if i know otherwise...I just can't grasp things. I feel so alone, like i don't fit in with most friends, i am always the odd one out, always third, always least important, always the unimportant extra...At least that is how it feels. Even though i know differently...But i mean, hell. I still just feel so damn unimportant, no one ever just wants to hang out with me. The last non-party time i just hung out with friends? When Whit came over when she was stayin at Hess'es house. I guess this little inferiority complex is why i was so damn ecstatic when laura and Ria suggested us three just hang out to explore my woods and have fun together. Like old times whenever we went to Laura's before i fucked so much up. I really hope we do hang, just so i can feel...hell, just to feel something beyond what i am.
But i am almost tempted to just stop it all, stop insults, fears, worries, bothering people, scaring, planning, arguing, cussing, everything. Stop being...start existing...
Hell. Who the hell am i even kidding. I am just scared like i always have been. Deathly afraid of more pain, of hurting others, of myself, of all the stuff in life. And i want to take the cowards way out, by becoming nothing, hiding from everything...
I hate myself. I really do. I should not be like this...
Why am i like this, why do small things knock me on my ass so much...
What is wrong with me...
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