memory, where are you...

I cant remember anything recently...

How i felt. How i feel. I cant remember fun at tays. I cant remember the love i have felt. The joy. The pain. Anything.

I am struggling to remember things in school...

Hell I had to ask about the same damn things over and over at work.

God damn. This irks me. I can work on the personality and everything, duno bout memory...

You know. I am glad i got this job. It is a definant Advent adn change for me. It is my catalyst for complete change. For becoming responsible. Stronger, selfless, for learning politeness, for learning to actually speak and introduce myself, and not fearing people and break past shyness.

To learn to ask for help.

Dammit i can do this. I think i am...but it is still pointless adn too late isnt it...

Damn me. Hell. I havent even tackled half the problems, or really apologized all the apologies that need to be there, I still feel horrible, sad, guilty, empty, destroyed, pathetic, each and every day....

But i cant let it overcome me. I have no right. Gotta keep up on this. Gotta smile, laugh, and eventually, just like the forced brooding and despairs i used to fake became real, so can the smiles and joy...I hope...

Sugoi soon...I need grades up...I kinda dont want to go...Ill hide in the game room. Test deck out more...