here, somethin to read

Its odd... I kinda realized. Laura is changing so much, so many things she accepts that was against her principles, so many different everything in a short time, and I have wondered why it could be...then it hit me....what if I am the only one reinventing myself. I mean...it kinda fits.

And shit. Messed up again. Sorry Alex. ><

Hrm. Why can I not talk to others...actually why is it with the specific few people I would I lose rage quick...and other emotions... but when did my pride and vanity become so much I started worrying about strength, seeming tough, invinncible and I couldn't trust others?

Man. I think I have become worse than Benny Ben and Laura.

And I also still can't forgive myself for things... I know your right Alex, self hatred is useless...but why do I still tortture myself over old things...

Hmm. I can see some validity to what Emily said before "we are so close yet honestly I still don't get you and you never open up..." or something like that...

But why is it that I am like this. I mean....damn it is obvious people worry about you.. God damn. Aalex obviously is really worried about you that she has been waiting forever to get you to open up...

Hell. Why is it so hard?

Man. Odd.

I do so much theory but not fact...

I love many. I trust these people...but why wont I open up? And why don't I try to actively begin stuff? And why do I put everything off...

I need to work on that. I just take it all by stride but there is not time dammit. I could probably visit Alex sooner than later. And I need to stop dwaddling with driving. I need to call D&D and do school work and everything...

But im not in a rush. Or motivated...

I can't even get motivated for games...

I need my meds...but they are so scary...they change me...

Wow I meant to only stick with first sentence. Oops. But there. Blog. Happy Alex?