Why today of all days, where every bit of the past, every second chance, every old little thing being there...did I not want it? Why did the past become so utterly pointless to try and fight for in my eyes?
Who am I kidding. I know half the reason is everything changed. I liked past because of who we use to be...but everyone changed. So have our relationships. And me. Definitely me. I mean...I am on low terms with most of the Circle or on no terms. I just feel alien and awkward there, its lost spark for me it once held...which is hilarious. Cause I started that place. Sorta. Funny shit.
But today...I started wanting to grasp the present, not worry about the unknown and future and past. I hope I stay like this...
Though I hope I can settle back into the circle...if it even lasts.
Wow. Still got pessimism going.
But I don't know ...it has much merit. Especially as a place of all our friendships, with so many shattered bonds ...
And I have replaced it with bitchifiers in so many ways...but dammit. How horrible am I...I will commit to the place I made so many memories and vows...I should at least...
No. Actually. I wont let imaginary restraints hold it. But I will full well try, try if only for the present and because I can. I will do what I want and try if I please because I please. And try to reinvigorate with new life like Laura...
But her and Tay...so odd being there. They are not the circle... I guess past still tugs on me. But old beliefs are useless.
And I still have bitchifiers...
Even if I am the least of all of them and not as close to anyone there as they are to each other....
But what else is new?
And my eyes are bleeding, too much use. Night blog nighty night. Your gonna get ignored again soon. One day till Dresden!
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