Why am I so hypercompetitive for attention and bases and for being placed high....

Maybe because I always had to try so hard for attention when I was with Clint and tay...and especially from how little I got compared to others when young. I know many got it worse...but I was odd out. No one withing 5 years on. Either family side....seeing all the others get attention...it is like when someone starts getting more attention I feel I have to compete....when Ben got more attention from laura I realize I started talking more to get his aattention for no reason...

So odd...

Why am I so self conscious I always need reassurances