Growing sick and tired of the world, falling to apathy, unsure of what is wrong with me.

God, what is going on with me. I guess i am fully fed up with all the shit of life. No, i am. No guessing involved. I went antisocial today, because i am just sick of everyone. And every relationship...its all pointless in my eyes. Friends, relatives, dating, enemies, etc. What is the use? We all are alone in the end, in the end all the joy dissappears or is forced, people only cause pain. Why do i deal with them. And then i get laura and maria bothering me all day about being antisocial and sad, what a riot, like either of them give a damn, all they do is make me feel shitty and worthless, and cause strife, and the worst part is even though they do nothing good for me i can't stop wanting to talk to them, and keep them as friends. And then i just can't stand even the 8thies at the moment, or soon-to-be-9thies, screw it, until you get to 9th your still and 8th. But even though they have done nothing, and are the only damn source of good besides Tay and Scott in real life i have, just talking to any single one of them is annoying and excruciating. God, I am falling to hell, and i don't want to be saved, i hope it stays till bowling tommorow...because honestly, i love this dream, not dealing with maria, beth, laura, taylor, will, or anyone else. Not making myself a hypocrite, or dealing with others being hypocrites, not having to deal with others influences, or with my jealousy or greed, it was great.

Heh. I got grounded from computer, and i have only sneaked on to type out one blog, just so i can remind myself of the beuaty of today with it...I think i will anger mom more so she also takes phone tommorow, it makes life simpler.

Heh. I really wish i didn't have so many things intertwining me with others. I would happily do the isolation shtick Alex is doing, cept i could handle it, since i don't give one damn about others. I have always been alone. Always will be. I wish i was the one moving, rather than molly, i want a way to easily break all ties with no chance of relapse, i want to have an excuse, i want to start anew. God, I just want out of this world. I want free of the self center hypocrisy of Good and evil, i want away from opinions and beliefs, i want away from pain, i want away from others.

I want away from myself.