Heh, that was the final straw. Just completely sick of how he acts. He has been as much of an ass to me as i have been to him (especially when just me him and ben) And where i have been trying hard to get better and be nicer, he blows up at the smallest things, or even at help, and is still just as violent.
Then i am totally sick of how he acts with relationships, and obsessive lost puppy. He does not bother to let feelings grow first, to really get close to people. He just goes after whoever the hell he finds hot. The fact that his pre date "flirting" involves lots of near molestation and "accidental" (i know that these are not always accidents, from his mouth) are proof of that. If he truly cared about a relationship and feelings he would go for Maria since they are close, and know each other well, and he has even said they would probably do decently and they are good friends. But nah, laura and rachel and all of them are so hot, so he goes after them (don't get me started on how he talked about rachel), he just dates with his fucking penis. He talks lustual worse than me and ben (amazing, but true) and goes for looks then feelings. And lets even a slight attraction count as love. This behavior is destructive and just hurts everyone.
How he is with advice is worse, he always asks, yet never listens. Then if what we said will happen does, he acts surprised and shocked. Then acts like he is just unlucky and the world is conspiring against him. The truth? Even if we all say so hhe does not do anything. If he was being clingy like with rachel last time, i go to tell him, kindly and trying to help cause they where good together, what he did was just say "You don't know anything, i am not, she didn't say that!" or things to that degree, then fucking hit me. For trying to help. Then with this, he asked multiple others, who told him he shouldn't, and he just went on ahead.
Though the dating is not why i am just done with him. I repeat: I am fine with them dating and happy about it.
I expected it, completely. I am not unobservant, i knew it would happen while dating her, if we broke up. And i can read taylor like a book. Am i a bit miffed and upset? Of course. Jealous as hell? Quite. Do i still love her? 100%. Will i wait and hope for another chance? Forever. Do i want her and taylor to be happy and stay together? Yes, i honestly, truly, do.
I don't own her, she is a big girl, she can date and like other people. I can't control or stop this. I am free to do it too if i want to (alas i don't, sorry ladies (and you guys there too) you still cant get me). So if anyone wants to be sorry this happened, or pity me, or any shit, don't do it for that reason.
What lost me all respect and caring for taylor is the lies and betrayal.
He knows i would always be supportive of his relationships, and would not get too mad too long....If he just fucking told me. Or even asked if i would mind if he tried for her. But he didn't. You know what he does? He texts me that morning, asking if i still like her and was gonna ask her out today (yesterday). I tell him i was waiting for perfect time, he says okay, he will back off and help me try to get her back. Now this seems like he was asking to see if he should wait and be polite and kind to me, right? Wrong, it was obviously him seeing whether he had to snipe and just ask her before i got there. Then he told me and ben both he would not ask her out (cause Ben being a good friend got on his case for me, seeing how upset i was friday).
I mean, this has happened before. When we both where after laura a long while ago, he knew i was crazy about her, but before asking her out he told me, and asked if i would mind, and all that. And i was fine and supportive of it.
Instead of being a friend, following bro law, trying to help me through a break up he knew was devastating me, and driving me insane, or anything of the sort, he chooses to ignore this all, and go after emily, because she is a newly released sexy girl that he has not tried for yet. Since frankly he is just after getting in someones pants half the time (Once again, me, him, ben, alone. Ask ben how he speaks if you think i lie. He plans ways to "accidently" grope. ) and he has no caring about what others say or feelings. Half the time he doesn't care or listen, even if it is about who he is dating (I.E. Everytime one of them asks me to tell him to cool down on something. Like laura wanting me to stop him from buying expensive jewelry. I tell him, he says okay, then buys a 60 buck necklace for her. And see Clingyness and hitting me) he is almost like Daisy and Tom from Gatsby...Holy shit school get out of head.
Also when i was leaving his house from the sleep over because i could not stand to be there anymore (at least batman beyond finished, return of joker=epic), he was saying sorry one or three times when i was obviously upset. But they where so damn pathetic, he laughed saying them multiple times. It was only when i was leaving and he finally caught on how hurt i was that he said it with any truth or feeling.
I may be hyperolating and over doing some of this, due to bad mood, but stay off my case. Because most of this is true, and i am still on edge. Don't get on me about forgiving him, or any of that. Or me being wrong. At least for a while. Because for once we know he bullshitted hard, crossed a line, and what he did was wrong, and betrayed me bad, and i deserve to be angry. It was worse than anything clint has done to me.
The sad thing, i am still rooting for him and emily. Hoping they last. I will try to insult him less, and be kinder, so i can be a better person and one day maybe win emily back. Or at least be a decent human if only in my eyes again.
But i am not mad at Emily, or the dating. And don't get on my case for a bit, i don't want this to end with more fighting, and in blind anger, sadness, and depression, people saying things that end bad for a long while...even though i may have done that already...
And Emily....I am sorry. I hurt you, and i hate that, and am sorry about all of this. I will let you and taylor be happy, supportive of it, i wont be jealous and try to mess it up, or flirt or any of that. Not like i may have or sorta did past few days. I won't.
And it is pointless and may be too late...But i am most truly pissed at how much of a coward i was. And i wish i had been able to say this like i have always been able to, rather than having to do it indirectly: I am mad as hell that i just let you go with "its okay" that i did not fight for oyu, the most important thing i had. I wish i had tried to fight for us, i wish i had stood up and tried to stop it, try to get you to wait or go a bit longer. You said you needed a break, and even if it is permanant, i will keep my promise and i will wait. I love you, and like i promised, i will always love you. If you ever want to try again, i would. If you ever just need a friend, i will be that too, you are still my best friend. Though i am most sorry i could not directly tell you this before it was too late, that i couldn't instead snipe taylor and ask you out again, even if it ended bad and was too late. That is one risk i will always regret not taking.
As long as you are happy and smiling though, i am happy, it means more to me than anything. I hope you stay happy, and you and taylor last and do well together, and it is a good relationship. You deserve it. Once again, I am sorry, and i love you.
To everyone else to...I am sorry. For everything. I've been in a bad mood, I let my pride return, fell to being an ass, and let the habits i wanted to stop come back. All from a big dose of heartbreak. I am pathetic. I am stronger than that. You know, i may have to forgive taylor, cause now that i cooled down some from writing this, I am glad, at least this event knocked some sense into me. I will pick up where i left off a month or two ago. I will better myself, control myself. Become a better person, for me. For emily. For everyone.
So once again, i apologise to all, and i thank you all. You guys rock. And i love you guys.
Oddly getting knocked to my senses though has put me in a good mood...I can do this.
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