DAMMIT WHY CANT I STOP FUCKING UP DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT.

800 dollars in checks and I didn't get it signed...after being warned on just hundred dollar checks......fucking hell...and Deb made it sound like corporate will get on Marks case doubling his anger to me...and I didn't get the purchasers name...and then this can affect dad. Badly. Shit shit shit.

Two hours I've been crying. Dammit. I spent the whole fucking car ride hiding my face crying. The damn ride back where I love talking to Laura. And the whole time I wanted to confide how upset I was. Get a hug if only out of pity...but couldn't.

So damn proud...

I fucked up so badly.

Dammit. And the damn girl I like I couldn't fucking talk to. How useless am I.
I hate myself...God dammit.
I....dammit dammit....can't get coherent
And all this has brought back breathing troubles from past few days...breathing hurts so bad....

I hate myself...

I don't even know what I am going to say...was going to say...I always fuck up the damn finish >< I always forget that crucial detail. I am so useless.