Wow. Last thign came out wrong.

Alex, that is not how i meant it >.< But it is not your fault, seeing as how i really wrote it wrong. I was mainly talking about Bren. And that i didn't want it to seem like it was back when me and him where perfect, then the next minute like he hated me again. I rather just lose him completely. The only part there that was really you was just that it seemed our friendship was going away, which i know is BS, and was just that damn irrational dramatic flare i have. But even if i hate what i said i won't apologize, we both know that it is a small and pointless gesture. I doubt you want my apology, and i don't want you to just accept one. I rather our actions show the apology and acceptance. But I am an idiot, and most none of that last post was really about you...actually none of it was. The only reason it was there is I feared...i feared losing people. I feared you would do what i did long ago and just leave older friends, or break their bonds, i feared you would abandon me like bren, like scott, like clint, like laura...I feared you would give up on me...like i gave up on myself. So many times. Like i have now.

And thanks, because god you feel so damn angry, which you should, but from that it makes me realize that even if we are not talking now, even if you need time and there is no communication between us, i still have you, i still have my friend, and i won't lose you, and you won't abandon me like the others. That alone may be one reason i can keep from letting all these fears destroy me like they where, what will keep me from letting that stupid dramatic flare convince me to bring back that old defense. To keep me from distancing myself from everything. Thank you. A lot.