Here, you want the damn truth? I like you. A lot. But honestly unless you are as oblivious as usual you probably know his, I never hid this well, have I? But I like you, and can't bring myself to do anything about it. I'm utterly scared of the idea. We avoid mentioning it from the idea of bringing the awkwardness there, but you know, I hate myself for it. I'm so afraid of going into another another situation whee when I get too close to commitment I freak, I'm scared of opening up again, I'm scarf of losing myself to you, or to my demons. Ya know? But yet, beyond all doubt, beyond it all, I like you, more than I want to, I reapply do. And I'm stuck on a perpetual loop of fear and self abotage, where I know I need patience and rushing will ruin it, but feel I need to ask before prom or other shot. And beyond all measure I want to ask Emily or someone for help, but I'm still messing that up aren't I, and they still we pissed, and I'm too damn afraid to fight jaded.

Fear fear fear! Why am I so damn afraid, why can't I do what ive always done, always preached? Sayhow I feel, if yes work with it, if no, that's fine, I'm movin on with life.

Why the he'll am I so afraid, what is so scary?

I like you. I want to say it. But I can't. Dammit.

You're my best friend. Both of you. I'm sorry. Ive saidthat but it won't fix anything.

Guess what is always said is true. It's a hollow empty word. And there is nothing I can do to make things right is there?

And also, I just wanna point out, I don't know who reads this, still don't know why I let any of you read it, but it's my blog, if our insulted or mad or sick of it or anything, don't read.

Wow where did that come from?

Even if it is hollow though, once again, I really am sorry for everything, even if this does nothing....he'll, doubt ya even read this eh?

Guess lives going on either way.

Looks like I am Maro, straight with no luck in love, and his issues he brings upon himself.

Heh. Night all. Let's hope lifes storm eases up. At worst wade it out another year and restart.

AlsO, gettin iPhone, that should be neat.