When stressed everything is hilarious and focus goes bye bye

So lost focus halfway through simple research paper (come on, quit this, back back to work!) and now am goofing off.

But i dont know if sickness nad deadline are getting to me or if it is just my typical craziness, but in thinin bout romance I have to wonder...How fucking obvious must I be. I want to say I keep it secret, but my god, with all these ambigous things of "her" and "them" and "him" it is probably insanely obvious always. I mean my god, who am I kidding, I've always wore my heart on my sleeve, hell, has it ever been a damn surprise who i liked when i've liked people?

But i gotta wonder....Why is it that this time, unlike others, I refuse to talk about it or try for it. Last time with Emily and Laura I was completely direct, asked it simpley, and never hid how i felt....Do i fear how it turned out...

Or do i fear what i could do, or what I become?

Or is what i say of enjoying being single, and all that true?

Or do I truly fear how much I change, want to be changed, and will let myself be changed and influenced?

What is it i fear now...

I know!

I fear this essay >.<

Back to fucking work. also. McCarthy is an idiot. Andrew Wakefield is the biggest scum ever, rigth up with Glenn Beck, and as far as I am concerned the guy is a murderer.